Okay, now that’s out of the way, let’s go back to rip-Randy mode: But he doesn’t have the common sense of a used wad of bubble gum.
This, come to think of it, is the source of most of Moss’ problems with team, fans and media. Common sense tells you not to pretend you’re mooning the crowd in Lambeau Field. It tells you not to bump a traffic cop with your car. It tells you not to squirt guys in striped shirts with water bottles. It tells you not to leave the field before the game is over, no matter how few ticks are left on the game clock.
And when someone asks you a question that could come back to kick you in the carbuncles, it tells you to take Nancy Reagan’s advice and just say no, as in saying, “No, I’m not answering that.”
But Moss’ ego is so big that he had to honestly answer Bryant Gumbel’s question on HBO’s “Real Sports” about smoking weed by admitting that he did and still does “once in a blue moon.”
The admission isn’t a big one. If everyone in sports – or in any profession – answered that question honestly, you’d have tens of millions of responses similar to Moss’. Yes, marijuana is illegal. But let’s be honest, it’s not Satan’s drug of choice. (We interrupt this column to indulge in a fantasy about a stoned devil trying to tempt a prospective sinner: “Like, dude, don’t you really want to . . . oh, wow! Look at the butterfly!”)
But there is a segment of society that is easily outraged by anything people do that looks as if it might be fun. Which is why it’s also a good idea never to answer questions from the media or anyone else about your sex life.
And that segment is going to be on Moss now like sweat on a wrestler. And given all the other idiot things he’s done, it’s not going to be pretty. I’d feel sorry for him, but he brought it on himself and he can deal with the consequences.
I’m not saying Moss should have lied to Bryant Gumbel when the host of HBO’s “Real Sports” asked him about indulging in the occasional doobie. Lying about things other people saw you do – and did with you – can only get them in trouble. Even trying to tap dance around the question is a bad idea, because then you’re reduced to saying, “But I never inhaled,” or “It depends on how you define ‘is.’”
If you must lie, save it for when you go to your fiance’s house to meet her folks over dinner, and her mother serves up stewed goats’ eyeballs with yak-liver mousse for dessert. That’s the time to swear it’s the most delicious thing you ever ate before excusing yourself to go to the bathroom to throw up.
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