Gary Peterson

It would make for a riveting movie. It would play even better as reality TV.

Imagine Barry Bonds wearing pinstripes. Real thick pinstripes.

Imagine the familiar “25” on his back replaced by a six-digit number on his front.

Imagine him stepping up to the plate against a team with the ultimate home field advantage.

Are you ready for “The Longest Yard” baseball style? Starring Barry Bonds as Pete Rose as Burt Reynolds? Are you ready for splash hits into Capone Cove? How about Bonds defrocking a fellow inmate of his lucky bat while the cameras roll, and telling the poor fellow, “The inmates have spoken. Go grab some bench, Meat!”

Enjoy the visual. Then do your best to forget it.

Oh, Bonds is up to his pain threshold in hurt, no question. His right knee, scoped on March 17 for the second time in three months, figures to cost him the first six weeks or so of the 2005 season. His former nutritionist and trainer continue to be targets of a grand jury investigation into the BALCO lab suspected of dispensing illegal performance-enhancing drugs.

Now his former mistress, Kimberly Bell, has popped out from under a rock, throwing a spitball at Bonds’ marriage and torpedoing what’s left of his credibility. Bonds, she claims, told her he was using steroids. Worse, she claims to be packing documentation of crimes — income tax evasion, money laundering and evading federal banking laws — that could put Bonds behind bars.

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Bonds could be looking at hard time three different ways. When was the last time you could say that about the biggest name in a professional sport?

True, football’s Rae Carruth is currently serving a sentence for conspiracy to commit murder. But Carruth was hardly a household name.

True, Pete Rose spent five months in a federal prison in 1990 for tax evasion. But Rose had been retired as a player for four seasons.

And true, Mike Tyson spent three years in prison after being convicted of rape in 1992. But anyone who didn’t see that, or something similarly self-destructive, coming Tyson’s way must have been staring at the sun.

Bonds, as we speak, is just 12 home runs shy of passing Babe Ruth for the No. 2 spot in baseball history. He needs 53 homers to pass Hank Aaron and become the game’s all-time leader. To have his quest for baseball’s home run record derailed by a prison sentence would be the kind of drama you couldn’t fabricate even with the help of Ricky Williams’ herbalist.

But it’s a long shot.