Tired of trying to pick the Kentucky Derby winner the loser’s way?  Have you finally seen the light to fully comprehend that this a race for which all the wisdom of the racetrack might as well give way to a hatpin?

In recent years, the Kentucky Derby has been blessed with the likes of Smarty Jones, a Pennsylvania-bred owned by a car dealer, who the “assperts” said wasn’t a worthy favorite on the basis that he beat nearly nothing en route to the roses via Oaklawn; Funny Cide, a New York-bred gelding who was owned by a ragtag bunch of blue-collar guys who rode to the track in a school bus, and War Emblem, a horse so questionable that his 83-year-old owner sold him to a Saudi prince for $900,000 instead of trying to capture the priceless Derby for himself.

All three horses won the Kentucky Derby, and nearly The Triple Crown, but none of the three were on radar screens in the last week of March of the years that they ran. Now with the third and final “Future Wager” betting opportunity soon to be offered by Churchill Downs, maybe it’s time for you to look for your winner someplace other than the past performances.

Introducing “cosmic criteria” from the Kentucky Derby swami – a handicapping method that disregards speed figures, dosage definition, closing fractions and class.  Abandon the consolations of verifiable fact, and follow this wizardry to a level an elevated truth. Let the stars show the way!

Consult the crystal ball
Yes, you must exercise the powers you have for seeing into the future.  Picture in your mind’s eye the winner’s circle at Churchill Downs.  Now, who can you see standing there? 

When the big prize is on the line, people with a winning habit will be getting their photos taken.  Sure, jockeys like Stewart Elliott (Smarty Jones, ’04) and Ronnie Franklin (Spectacular Bid, ’79) have flashed their choppers for the paparazzi, and trainers like Barclay Tagg (Funny Cide, ’03) and Lynn Whiting (Lil E. Tee, ’92) have pumped the hand of the governor on the presentation stand, but the people who make it to the Derby stage are typecast.

In the 10 years before Smarty Jones, seven Kentucky Derby winners were trained by D. Wayne Lukas, Bob Baffert or Nick Zito, and in two of the years in which they didn’t train the winners, Neil Drysdale (Fusaichi Pegasus, ’00) and John Ward (Monarchos, ’01) did. Drysdale is a Hall of Fame trainer and Ward may one day be one. But they know how to pose for the cameras, and more importantly, they feel comfortable with it. The fastest horses go to the smoothest operators. 

Tab a Zito nominee such Sun King or Noble Causeway because Nick has the pretty eyes for the perfect picture, or a Lukas trainee such as Going Wild or Consolidator for D. Wayne’s pearly whites. If movie star Gary Stevens, with his handsome Kodachrome looks, lands on a Bob Baffert horse in the Derby, you’ll have both angles, jockey and trainer, covered. With any of these choices, you’ll get a photo worth hanging in the Turf Club.

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First Triple Crown in 34 years?

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