That’s just NFL football. College football is a friend, too, but it is somewhat less of a presence in your life because the NCAA won’t let its athletes take money and other benefits that NFL players enjoy. College football is like the friend whose parents lay down a curfew, or take the car keys away, or sometimes rake his backside with a belt.
Actually, NFL football might be our dearest friend. But that friend might be going away for a while. No, he didn’t rob a convenience store. Not that kind of “going away.” There might be a work stoppage, because the owners and players can’t figure out how to divide the booty from the most successful sports league ever. The problem isn’t money, but rather, too much of it. I’d like to say, “Heaven knows I’ve been there,” but really I haven’t, and I don’t know anybody who has.
But without NFL football, will life grind to a halt? What will fantasy league people do? Gamblers and oddsmakers? Pizza delivery guys? Acid-tongued cocktail waitresses and barmaids at sports bars, like in those commercials?
There must be alternatives.
Perhaps through a spirited letter-writing campaign we can get CBS to expand “60 Minutes” and call it “420 Minutes,” to cover the loss of two Sunday games at roughly three hours each. Granted, that’s a lot of Andy Rooney, but hey, he still seems alert enough to handle it.
Some network NFL analysts like to take off their suit jackets, loosen their ties and get out on a miniature fake field inside the studio to demonstrate what that day’s combatants will need to do to be successful. Why not put them in full pads and let them hit? They have insurance.
College football will still be available, but up until now it’s been games all day and night Saturday, plus one Thursday night. So move all the Saturday games to Sunday, show the Thursday night game Monday night, and see if anybody notices.
NFL labor crisis
The fall of 2011, leading into the 2012 elections, will be a crucial time for political campaigns. Without NFL football, fans will have more free time to get behind their favorite candidates, raise money, circulate petitions, attend rallies and register voters. It will remind people how proud they are to be Americans, and at the same time take their minds off the communistic system of revenue sharing in the NFL.
CSN: Patriots tight end Aaron Hernandez has been contacted by police investigating a possible homicide in North Attleboro, Mass. Hernandez is not believed to be a suspect but a rental car in his name is connected to the death.
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