Jelisa Castrodale

Sometimes when I log into Facebook, it's hard to get past the updates about someone’s virtual lambs or the toddler-heavy photo albums that make me check my own ottoman for teething marks. Lately, though, my news feed has been full of well-meaning but ultimately meaningless attempts to FIX THE WORLD!!!!!!, the ones encouraging everyone to change their profile pictures to a certain color or cartoon character, which will obviously prevent diabetes and stop the world's forest fires.

I haven’t checked, but there's probably an approved-upon color that reflects your decision to omit quarterback Cam Newton from your Heisman ballot. So far, a few voters have admitted they’ll be ignoring the Auburn junior or trashing their ballots entirely, gestures that will have the same impact on Saturday night’s trophy presentation that posting a picture of Shrek does on male pattern baldness.

StiffArmTrophy.com, a site that has correctly predicted the Heisman winner since 2002, currently estimates that Newton will snag at least 80 percent of the votes, so the biggest question for the 910 remaining participants is who they’ll scribble in the No. 2 and No. 3 slots. (The other finalists are Oregon running back LaMichael James, Stanford quarterback Andrew Luck and Boise State quarterback Kellen Moore, although the Heisman Trust could’ve just listed three chunks of beef from Lady Gaga’s meat dress.)

Newton led Auburn to an undefeated season while building a stat line that some have argued is the best in SEC history. He passed for 2,589 yards (165-for-246) and is one of only three players ever to pass and rush for at least 20 TDs in the same season. He was such a force of nature that I half-expected The Weather Channel’s Jim Cantore to give mid-game reports from the Jordan-Hare sideline, while swaddled in some kind of weatherproof garment.

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But there was that off-field issue, the one big enough to leave his on-field accomplishments shivering in its shadow. In November 2009, Newton’s father, Cecil, attempted to sell his son’s right arm to Mississippi State University, using an intermediary to tell the school that it would take “more than a scholarship” — at least $180,000 — for his son to suit up there. They didn't bite, and the younger Newton committed to Auburn instead.

After months of SEC-led investigation, Auburn declared Newton ineligible Nov. 30; 24 confusing hours later, the NCAA reinstated him.

“Based on the information available … at this time, we do not have sufficient evidence that Cam Newton or anyone from Auburn was aware of this activity,” said Kevin Lennon, the NCAA Vice President for Academic and Membership Affairs.

Heisman Trophy Craig Ruttle / AP A runaway Despite controversy surrounding recruitment, Auburn's Cam Newton captures coveted prize in landslide. Full story FanHouse: Bo knows Auburn Heisman trophies CFT vote: Newton to be stripped of trophy? Castrodale: Newton should accept, return award FanHouse: Newton best college player ever? CFT: Newton says he's 'a person that did no wrong' Newton defends dad   |  Wise to skip ceremony FanHouse: Newton innocent until proven guilty

If the NCAA really believes that Newton had no idea his dad was willing to put him on layaway, I’ve got a can of magic beans I’d be glad to sell them. That’s right, Mr. Lennon, cannellini means “magic” in Italian. The problem is that there’s no way for them to prove — not “at this time” anyway — that Newton was a part of the negotiations or had any knowledge of them.

So given the lack of real — not rumored, not assumed — evidence, the fair thing to do is to evaluate Newton based on his game-day performances. I know what I’d do if I had a vote to cast today.

I also know what I’d do if I were Cam Newton, right after I finished lifting heavy pieces of furniture, just because I could.

Cam, you should take that 25-pound bronze trophy Saturday night and hoist it just long enough to reflect several dozen flashbulbs. Then you should give it back.

You’d step to the microphone, shouting over the sound of everyone’s dislocated jaws crashing to the carpet, politely telling the Heisman Trust that you couldn’t accept the award, not if you knew there were people who thought you didn’t deserve it, or that you’d ruin its 75-year reputation by taking it home. You’d tell them to give it to someone else, someone who — to use the Trust’s words — “best exhibits the pursuit of excellence with integrity.”

Slideshow   Closest Heisman votes A look back at the most amazing races in the trophy's history NBCSports.com

Then as ESPN went to a commercial break so their anchors could all change pants, you’d call your dad back in Georgia to tell him what you’d done. 

What’s the downside to returning the statue to its sender? You’d gain a different kind of notoriety, one that didn’t constantly question your character beside an unflattering AP photo. NFL scouts have been impressed by your ability to play through the scrutiny and distractions, so why not wow them with something else? You’d be doing your future a huge favor by distancing yourself from your past.

Mike Hewitt / Getty Images The Week in Sports Pictures

The Heisman won’t be the only hardware you’ll earn this week. You've already won the Walter Camp Award and the Davey O'Brien Award and are a semi-finalist for the Maxwell Award. You might need to swing by IKEA for a bigger set of bookshelves.

This won’t happen anywhere but in the super-awesome dream lobe of my brain, which is also the place where Tina Fey is my best friend and George Clooney is my duvet cover and I sweat pure Oreo filling. It’s not going to happen on Saturday night.

Not unless we all change our profile pictures.

Jelisa Castrodale has learned a lot about life by making a mess of her own.  Read more at jelisacastrodale.com , follow her on twitter at twitter.com/gordonshumway, or contact her at