Avert your eyes. Please do not feed the madness by watching LeBron James' ESPN extravaganza Thursday night.

The King has decided that an hour-long special is the way to tell us if he will stay in Cleveland or leave. I don't know about you, but I'm about ready to tell this guy where he can go.

In a shocking move, ESPN is apparently all aboard. I loved the ESPN crawl late Tuesday reporting that James wanted an hour-long show. Man, how did ESPN "learn" ESPN was going to host an hour-long LeBron show? Just good shoe leather reporting, I guess.

I would rather watch the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating Contest, with special Joey Chestnut "stomach-cam" technology, than watch LeBron's show.

Wonder if Cliff Lee is working with HGTV for the special on his Rays announcement?

LeBron James is a marvelous basketball player, and apparently a good and decent man -- show proceeds go to the Boys and Girls Club of America, don't you know -- but why do these guys have to do this?

I thought LeBron was different.

Instead, he has set up a Twitter account (@KINGJAMES, no less) and is devising his own Web site, all in the name of controlling the news, just like Tiger.

Yeah, that really paid off for Tiger.

In other free agent news, Chris Bosh will join the Miami Heat so he can join Dwyane Wade to destroy the world.

Guess LeBron is out of the picture there. Anyway, joining a troika in Miami, that might "hurt" his brand. I read that somewhere. Ah, yes, the brand.

Like I was saying, I thought LeBron was better than this.

But I guess all athletes in the upper strata, the thinnest of fabulous, famous air, succumb to self importance, even the OK guys like LeBron.

The media is more than partly to blame. We all are. Yeah, even your dead uncle.

The world has become a reality show, sad to say. And the reality is, this stuff moves the meter. The Rays are talking to local TV stations about a trade deadline show. If it's to sign another Gregg Zaun, leave us out of it. It's Cliff Lee or else! This just in: Gabe Kapler batted fifth last night -- Gabe Kapler.

Where were we again? Oh, yes. Please don't watch LeBron's show. Dress up Dutch for the World Cup, be the Orange, before you watch.

I don't care if LeBron stays or goes -- unless he goes to the Knicks (Go Knicks!).

Truly, I don't care if he stays put or if he moves. I don't care if he moves into the extra bedroom at your house, though maybe you do, since you haven't vacuumed.

I love watching the guy play basketball. I just can't stand watching him play us.

To me, the King is dead, at least until they roll the balls out again. I wonder how many hot dogs LeBron could eat at one sitting? Hell, they've got an hour to fill.

Go for it.

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