The lost-in-translation nicknames
Brazil’s best player is Kaka. No. Really.

The geography pop quizzes
If you fall in love with American midfielder Michael Bradley’s game during the World Cup, no worries. You can follow him the rest of the year at Borussia Mönchengladbach, which — is, um ... where, exactly?

The controversial new ball
Adidas made it especially for this tournament. It’s called “The Jabulani” because, as we’ve already seen, soccer likes to grandiosely name everything. Here’s U.S. backup goalkeeper Marcus Hahneman’s review of The Jabulani: “It’s horse----. It’s the worst soccer ball I’ve ever played with. It’s plastic. It feels like s--- when it comes off your foot. It moves like crazy. It swerves. … You can’t tell what it’s going to do.”

Oh dear.

The Diego Maradona watch
The greatest — and perhaps most troubled — star in Argentine soccer history also stands accused of being the worst manager in this year’s 32-team World Cup tournament. Some critics say that the Argentines are so talented they’d have a better chance to win with no coach.

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Already, Maradona has been criticized for playing the great Messi out of position, using 78 players during World Cup qualifying but somehow never fielding the same lineup twice, delaying his start of team preparations because his dog bit him in the face, and, more recently, running over a cameraman’s foot with his car after a training session, then profanely chewing out the cameraman “for putting your leg where it could get run over, man.”

Maradona has also promised to run naked through the streets of Buenos Aires if Argentina wins it all, which is making everyone feel a bit more grateful about that Lap-Band surgery he had a few years ago.

Is soccer a great game, or what?

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