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Few things are more pathetic than the kid who screws up in life and then blames it on the fact that Mom liked a sibling more. Usually, those who hear this complaint aren’t surprised — what mother would like a whining snot like that?
The lesson is that all anyone can do is his or her best and then not worry about what others think. Rudyard Kipling wrote a poem about that sort of person, and if we weren’t so lazy, we’d look it up and quote a line or two. The poem is called “If.” We know that much.
We also know that we’ve seldom felt more certain about a candidate’s qualifications for Whiner of the Week than we are about Ozzie Guillen’s.
The White Sox manager was spectacular even by his exceptional standards. He launched into the sort of expletive-laced whine not seen in Chicago since Lee Elia lost it years ago about the fans of the Cubs, which he was then managing.
His complaint is that Mom, a.k.a. Chicago fans, like the Cubbies more than they like his team. Well, duh! How is it he just noticed this? The Cubs are that perennially underachieving but cute kid that moms always adore. And there’s nothing to do for it but to do your best and let the cheers — and the boos — fall where they may.
To be honest, Ozzie’s heroes have been pretty disappointing since they ended their generations-long championship drought in 2005. And they’ve been getting hammered in the media.
“That’s what ticks me off about Chicago fans and Chicago media, they forget pretty quickly,” Ozzie cried. But that was just the warm up. He then really went postal.
“A couple of days ago, we were the [bleep]ing best [bleep] in town, now we're [bleep],” he whined. ''We won it a couple years ago, and we're horse[bleep]. The Cubs haven't won in 120 years, and they're the [bleep]ing best. [Bleep] it, we're good. [Bleep] everybody. We're horse[bleep], and we're going to be horse [bleep] the rest of our lives, no matter how many World Series we win. We are the [bleep] of Chicago. We're the Chicago [bleep].”
Hard to argue with that.
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Dishonorable mentions:
Donald Trump
It’s not enough that we’ve got to listen to the world’s biggest ego lecture us on the proper way to declare bankruptcy for his casino. Now we’ve got to listen to him whine about sports. After all, as the man who single-handedly destroyed the USFL, he knows from failure. Anyway, at a speaking engagement in Arkansas, his selfness volunteered that the Yankees' Alex Rodriguez “always plays bad under pressure. Derek Jeter, he’s the greatest. People love Derek Jeter.” Talk about a guy with a firm grasp of the obvious, eh?
Dale Earnhardt Jr. fans
A week ago, Kyle Busch wrecked Junior’s car while fighting for the lead at Richmond. It was, as the good ol’ boys like to say, just racing. This week in Darlington, Earnhardt Jr. fans viciously booed Busch. They were joined by a member of Junior’s pit crew. Talk about sportsmanship.
Cynthia Rodriguez
Just because her husband was caught by The New York Post squiring a proverbially buxom blonde around Toronto is no reason for Mrs. A-Rod to humiliate him in public. But during an interview on the Yankees network, she volunteered that he’s a wimp around doctors and fainted during the birth of his first daughter. Is that any way to treat the best meal ticket in professional sports?
Mike Ribeiro
The Dallas Stars player got butt-ended by Detroit goalie Chris Osgood at the end of a second straight Red Wings playoff win. This isn’t the nicest thing to do, but goalies get run over a lot and they sometimes feel the need to defend their territory. It’s hockey. But what Ribeiro did was beyond hockey. He took a two-handed swing at Osgood with his stick, then whined that the goalie started it.
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