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There will be no whining about the rules, especially when they govern a game that pays you millions of dollars to sweat in public. And of all the rules that it is exceptionally poor form to grouse about, ones governing personal conduct top the list.

Even if the rule says that you must stand on your head and recite “Mary Had a Little Lamb” backward when you are not in the game, you do it because that’s the price you pay for the incredibly luxurious lifestyle the game gives you. If you don’t like it, find another job that pays what yours does for the hours you have to work.

This is our recommendation to Chad Ochocinco, our choice for Whiner of the Week.

It seems that the Bengals’ self-absorbed, flamboyant wide receiver had a brilliant idea about how he could spend his time on the sidelines when the defense is on the field this season. Instead of talking to his quarterback or coordinator or paying attention to the game, he was going to Twitter about the wonderfulness of his own play.

Happily, the NFL read about his intentions and declared that just as players can’t make phone calls from the sidelines, they also can’t tweet.

Ochocinco got the word and did what any sensible pampered millionaire would do: He stomped his feet and promised to hold his breath until he passed out, a consummation devoutly to be wished, but unlikely to happen.

“Damn the NFL and these rules,” the wide receiver whined. “I am going by my own set of rules. I ain’t hurting nobody or getting in trouble, I am putting my foot down!!”

You could tell how serious he was by his use of two exclamation marks, because one just wouldn’t do.

For his information, by having his head up his Blackberry instead of in the game, Ochocinco is hurting his teammates. And we just know he’d hurt somebody with the stuff he’d be posting. He’s incapable of doing anything else.

Also, he’s getting paid a ton of money while fans are scraping by on unemployment and food stamps. We suggest that just once he tell us just how fortunate he is instead of how persecuted.

Dishonorable mentions:

1) David Beckham
Last week, his Galaxy teammate, Landon Donovan, made WOW for whining about how much money Beckham makes. This week, Beckham makes it for whining about Donovan whining. “In every soccer player’s eyes throughout the world, it would be unprofessional to speak out about a teammate especially in the press and not to your face,” Beckham said while doing just that.

2) Ryan Braun
First the Brewers star whined about the team’s pitching staff and management’s apparent reluctance to trade for help. Then, after a sit-down with team GM Doug Melvin, he compounded it by whining that he didn’t mean to criticize anyone. If he didn’t mean to do it, why did it do it?

3) Brandon Jacobs
The Giants running back violated the cardinal rule that you don’t criticize other players, and that goes for opponents, who might use what you said as inspiration. On ESPN radio, Jacobs whined that Tony Romo isn’t very good. “I don’t think he’s that good a passer, to be honest with you. I’m not a fan of tony Romo, no.” Keep it to yourself, Brandon.

4) NBA Players Association
The league is taking a big hit from the recession, and the league told its teams that the 2010-11 salary cap might decrease significantly because of lower revenues. Seems like a sensible warning to send out, but the players association objected, whining that if teams think the cap will be lower, how will the poor free agents rake in truckloads of cash? Huh? That’s right, guys. It’s all about you.

5) James Blake
The second-best American tennis players lost a big match — and any chances at the Davis Cup — to Croatia’s Marin Cilic. Afterward, Blake whined that without the injured Andy Roddick, he couldn’t cope with being the team’s No. 1 guy. Too much pressure, he whimpered. We feel for you, James, but at least we know why you’ve never won a major — and never will.