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College football coaches can cure society's ills

With N’Western's Fitzgerald on Illinois ethics panel, that got us thinking ...

Pat Fitzgerald owns a seat on an Illinois ethics panel designed to reform what's arguably the nation's most corrupt government. AP
Northwestern coach Pat Fiztgerald owns a seat on an Illinois ethics panel designed to reform what's arguably the nation's most corrupt government.

First came the call. Next, he requested permission from two of his bosses at Northwestern University. And then, as suddenly as a pick-six on the field, Wildcats coach Pat Fitzgerald owned a seat on an Illinois ethics panel designed to reform what's arguably the nation's most corrupt government.

The request surprised Fitzgerald; he's no political junkie, and his investigation into recent scandals stretched no further than the local papers and their 60-point headlines. When most folks hear Pat Fitzgerald and Illinois government, they think of the famous federal prosecutor, not the guy from the gridiron.

"What was it in the election, Joe the Plumber?" Fitzgerald asked the other day. "This is Joe the Football Coach."

The committee includes several educators who mentor young leaders, and Fitzgerald fancies himself as fitting that classification. So he devotes time almost daily to reading about states that have addressed ethical issues from campaign finance to pay-for-play. And he hopes the commission will develop a code of conduct for state officials by April.

Still, it's a curious move to trust a football coach with something far more serious than fourth-and-1. But maybe it's the way to go. So here are five other problems plaguing society and the football coaches best positioned to cure the ills. Remember, politicians — these guys are only a phone call away.

Mike Leach in the Middle East
College football's ambassador to Lubbock proved a master diplomat in recent weeks. He schooled athletic director Gerald Myers in their Texas Tech football power struggle, eventually meeting with Myers' boss to get the contract he wanted. Provided Leach avoids his typical talking tangents, he could possibly wrangle similar power over the enemy in Afghanistan. He's got the ammo, from his five-wide attack to his deep knowledge (and potential threats) of piracy. Move over, Hillary. Let Mike take a crack at world peace.

Turner Gill brings back the banks
Sure, there are coaches more familiar with big bucks. But this project needs a miracle worker with unconventional ideas. Gill holds the trump card here, taking Buffalo to a bowl game for the first time since, well, the start of bowl games. Rallying Citigroup will seem simple next to bringing the Bulls a MAC championship. Besides, the guy deserves a new job, and success in this arena would make him more famous than anything he might have accomplished at Auburn or Syracuse.

Jim Harbaugh calling out our schools
Subtract a 2007 upset at USC, and Harbaugh's primary contribution to college football came when he knocked the academic and admissions policies for players at Michigan, his alma mater. Here's hoping he'd bring the same candor in an evaluation of what's happening to our nation's kiddies from 9-3 every weekday. Maybe they'd be reading playbooks instead of playwrights, but it's a good starting baby step. And Harbaugh is accustomed to major rebuilding projects, which is just what's needed here.

Greg Schiano goes green
The earth needs a good scrubbing, and the experts say its people need to overhaul their habits. Nobody has cleaned a program better than Schiano, who inherited a football landfill when he arrived at Rutgers in December 2000. And while there's no utopia on the Raritan River, he's polished up the place enough to make the Scarlet Knights Big East contenders and bowl game regulars. If he gives the planet the same treatment, there'd be a chance at survival. Or at least a spot in the Papajohns.com Bowl. And for the struggling earth, that's improvement.

Paging Dr. Cutcliffe, Dr. David Cutcliffe
Few in coaching know the importance of good health more than the guy in charge at Duke. After having bypass surgery in 2005, Cutcliffe needed to resign from an assistant's job at Notre Dame because of complications from his recovery. Now, he's a veteran of long bike rides and walks with weighted vests. The pluses of making him the health czar are endless — he'll get plenty of help from the brainiacs at Duke Medical Center, and if needed, he can get former pupil Peyton (or Eli) Manning to quarterback the effort. As an added bonus, maybe he'll find some obese teens to beef up the Dukies' defense.

© 2012 Sporting News

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