John Walters

Back in the mid-1990s Gary Barnett led Northwestern to its first Rose Bowl appearance since, well, Chicago was considered northwestern. At the time, Barnett was relatively young and unquestionably dynamic, and so he became a coveted attraction on the banquet circuit.

A fixture of the Barnett speech was an anecdote that was charming for both its brevity and its self-deprecatory nature. Barnett would tell the audience that one evening, so pleased with himself for having led the Wildcats to Pasadena, he shot up in bed and awakened his wife.

“Honey,” Barnett asked, “do you know how many truly great coaches there are in college football?”

To which his devoted but honest wife replied, “One less than you think.”

Which brings us to the head football coach of the Florida Gators. On Thursday evening, Urban Meyer, age 44, will lead his football team into Dolphin Stadium to face Oklahoma in the BCS Championship Game. Considering all that Meyer has accomplished in the past five years, is this a man who could pilfer Barnett’s anecdote and tell it with any semblance of plausibility? Has humility passed Urban Meyer by?

Since 2004 Meyer has performed the following feats:

• Became the first coach to lead a non-BCS school (Utah) to a BCS bowl (Fiesta). For good measure Meyer’s Utes won that game, capping off an undefeated 12-0 season.
• Led Florida to a national championship
• Coached the first sophomore to ever win the Heisman Trophy
• Compiled a 55-9 record
• Compiled a 31-4 record in games played inside the state of Florida, included being unbeaten against in-state schools
• Won two SEC championships

Meyer has yet to clean the Augean stables in a single day, but then he’s still young.

In the past half-decade, Meyer has not only fulfilled the promise that he displayed at Bowling Green at the outset of the decade; he has compiled a resume surpassed in all facets by only one man, Pete Carroll of USC (one more reason why a USC-Florida title game would have been the most captivating match up possible). The Ashtabula, Ohio, native is more than just successful, however; he is caricature-proof.

Think about it. Joe Paterno has the age thing. Bobby Bowden has “dadgummit”. Mark Mangino is portly, Mike Leach is eccentric and Mack Brown has that honey-baked drawl. Charlie Weis is “the Jersey guy,” Greg Schiano is chopping wood somewhere, Jim Tressel is trying on a vest and Pete Carroll is leading more cheers than the Song Girls. Ty Willingham is/was holding one elbow in his hand, his other hand pursed against his lips in contemplation. Ron Zook just went water skiing, holding the rope in one hand and swinging a kettle ball with the other. Rich Rodriguez just unleashed an expletive stream, Nick Saban just burned a hole through you with his stare and Les Miles just hit on 16.

And then there’s Urban Meyer, whose definitive trait is … perfection.

Begin with the features. How many head coaches — How many people? — are handsome enough to anchor the evening news? And not the local news, the national news. Meyer looks as if he just walked off the top of someone’s wedding cake.

Having spent the first two dozen years of his life in Ohio, Meyer’s accent is distinguishable by being indistinguishable. He is married and if you round up 2.5 children, you get three, which is equal to the number he has. He has yet to endure and/or author an embarrassing YouTube moment, and the nearest he has ever come to ignominy is when a message he texted to then-high school senior Tim Tebow became public knowledge.

About that message: Meyer informed Tebow that if Florida were scoring 50 points a game, they wouldn’t need him. He then promised Tebow that if he came to Gainesville, Heismans and national championships would be waiting for him.

What once sounded outlandish has now come to pass. And, OK, the Gators still do not average 50 points per game, but in the rugged SEC, 45 points per game will do.