Mike Celizic

I don’t know what the Giants are going to do to Plaxico Burress, but none of the options should involve writing him a regular paycheck. What the Giants do are the least of Burress’ problems. What the law does is what the receiver ought to be scared about.

I was about to write “scared senseless” in that last sentence. But then I realized that the man has no sense to be scared out of. He’s already made that abundantly clear with a series of moves that, if proved to be true, are a litany of stupidity.

The dumbest part of the story was not the part that is pretty well established — that Burress allegedly carried an unlicensed handgun into a state and city that have designated that action a serious felony. Yes, that’s just dumb, but had Burress followed even the simplest rules of gun safety, we’re not talking about this.

Where the stupidity really shines through is in how he managed to shoot himself. To do that, he had to make a whole series of mistakes.

The first one was stuffing the gun in his pants. Where’d he get that idea? From his buddies or watching too many bad movies? I have considerable experience with guns and their care and handling, and I don’t need to talk to a gun safety expert to say that your waistband is a very dumb place to put a gun. Think about where you have to put it and the things you can accidentally shoot. It’s not a good idea.

If you do feel the need to carry a gun in your pants, do yourself a favor and don’t chamber a round. That way if you do something stupid, it won’t go off. Better yet, ditch the automatic and get a revolver. Then you can keep the hammer on an empty cylinder, so if you pull the trigger by accident, the family jewels remain intact.

Finally, if you don’t want to do any of the above, at least make sure the safety’s on. When the safety’s on, a gun can’t fire. It’s that simple. Don't be dumber than asphalt.

Turns out Burress is that dumb.

Video   Roundtable: Plaxico Burress fiasco Nov. 30: The FNIA crew discuss Plaxico Burress' big mistake and its long-term effects on the Giants.

He’s proved time and again during his career that he’s a world-class knucklehead to whom the ordinary rules of behavior do not apply. And no number of screw-ups have dissuaded him from his personal conviction that the rules do not apply to him.

Any doubts were laid to rest in the aftermath of the accidental shooting, when, according to police, Burress somehow involved teammate Antonio Pierce in an attempt to cover the incident up. He also got a lot of people at a New York hospital in serious trouble by convincing them not to report the shooting, as required by law.

That’s quite a lot of lives messed up just so Burress could be a real man and carry a Glock in his pants.

If this were an isolated case, I’d simply continue beating up Burress and be done with it. But what Burress is accused of doing is considered standard operating procedure for far too many athletes, not to mention countless ordinary citizens.

It’s the belief that he needs to carry a gun for a night on the town, or maybe when he goes out anywhere, all in the name of safety. It’s the idea that the gun not only makes him safe, but also makes him a man, a real bad expletive you better not mess with.

It’s a common belief in this country. America grew up with guns and believes in them. No matter how often guns get innocent people either dead or in more trouble than anyone ever wants to be in, people can always point to an incident where they can convince themselves having a gun would save a victim’s life.

In the NFL, players point to Sean Taylor, the Washington Redskin who was shot and killed by intruders in his Florida home last year. I heard a player talking about it on ESPN today: If Sean Taylor had a gun, he’d be alive today.