Tom E. Curran • E-mail

I haven’t seen The Dark Knight yet. That’s one thing that occurred to me as the Week 1 NFL results and medical reports rolled in.

See, instead of allocating four hours of my summer to poring over NFL rosters, statistics, free agent pickups, injuries and schedules in order to make my 2008 predictions with a measure of seriousness, I could have gone to the movies and had my pug make my selections.

(Listen, Kiko. Just put teeth marks on the teams you like. And if you pick the team coached by Wade Phillips, you’ll get spayed again.)

In Week 1, high powered AFC teams like the Jaguars, Chargers, Patriots and Titans all got their expectations sprained. In the NFC, the Seahawks and (to a lesser level) the Vikings had issues arise.

So which of these teams are really in a bad way and which ones just suffered itty-bitty slips that they’ll laugh about later?

First the ones who are up Schmitt’s Creek without a paddle.

Jacksonville Jaguars
This team’s gone from having media blowhards label them a threat to the AFC North crown to being in real trouble.

Last week against Tennessee they lost two more offensive linemen. The result? Quarterback David Garrard got sacked seven times and the best 1-2 backfield punch in the league – Maurice Jones-Drew and Fred Taylor – managed 31 yards on 14 carries.

Jacksonville’s lost its three starting interior linemen – Maurice Williams, Vince Manuwai and Brad Meester. Meanwhile, backup left tackle Richard Collier was recently shot (a negative development for a team’s mental state) and the team has signed four offensive linemen who weren’t with the team during the preseason, including one (Todd Wade) who’s injured.

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Everything Jacksonville does is predicated on its offense being able to control the football (third in the NFL in time of possession last year at 32:08 per game). The Jags defense is not a big-play gambling type of group but one built to wear down opponents with its size. When the ball goes to its offense, they need to be able to generate first downs. David Garrard is a game manager, not a gunslinger. Putting him in third-and-5 or more is a recipe for problems. They don’t have the personnel to flourish like that.  And with a rebuilt offensive line, Taylor and Jones-Drew aren’t going to be getting the same yards on first and second down to keep Garrard safe.

This week, the Jags play Buffalo and their former defensive lineman Marcus Stroud. Buffalo decimated Seattle last week. And they were missing receivers, not linemen. Good luck with that.

Seattle Seahawks
Fortunately for Seattlites fans, they always have Kevin Durant and the Sonics to occupy them. Oops!

After losing Nate Burleson for the year with a torn ACL, the Seahawks receiving corps is down to Courtney Taylor, Logan Payne and the newly-signed Samie Parker (no word yet on whether they’ve lured Brian Blades or Steve Largent back). Making matters worse, running back Maurice Morris is hurt and starting right guard Rob Sims tore his pectoral muscle and is gone for the season. Seattle can play some defense – and they’ll have to.

Novacek's picks Cardinal rule In what should be a tight, exciting game, Arizona will find enough 4th-quarter offense to beat Pittsburgh NBCSports.com

“In any NFL season you are going to face adversity,” Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck (who has a balky back) said this week. “It's Week 1, and here it is for us. We're facing a lot of adversity right now.”

Fortunately for the Seahawks, they play the 49ers this week. If they can’t take care of business against them, it will signal that Mike Holmgren’s Seattle swan song may wind up looking more like a swan dive.

New England Patriots
For the record, they had issues before Bernard Pollard steamrolled Tom Brady’s knee.

When they beat the Bills 56-10 on Nov. 18 of last year, they’d outscored opponents by 26 points per game through the first 10 games. From then on, they outscored opponents by a little more than eight points per game. They dropped off. Opponents found better approaches. Water finds its own level (whatever that means).

There may never be another stretch of professional football dominance like the Patriots unleashed in 2007. Still, at the end of it, they weren’t (as we came to see) perfect. Yet even as New England staggered around for the four-game preseason, it was all rainbows and unicorns and “Everything will be fine when Brady actually plays.”

Now Brady won’t play. Instead, Matt Cassel will. Matt Cassel’s no Tom Brady. And this Patriots defense is nothing like the unit it was in 2004. They easily could have lost to Kansas City last week (the Chiefs converted 50 percent on third down and had four shots from the 5 in the closing second to tie it before losing 17-10). And that’s not traceable just to the backup quarterback.  They will improve as the season goes along and are certainly still a playoff-caliber team, but they are back with the rest of the pack now and that’s a comedown for them.

These are the teams that fell flat in Week 1 that should be just fine.

Indianapolis Colts
The Colts' problems are temporary. Peyton Manning, who missed all of the preseason recovering from knee surgery, was playing behind a line with three new starters in its interior offensive line. Talking about the uneven start against Chicago, Manning said, “I thought it would take about a quarter-and-a-half or two quarters to get hit and get a little bit of a feel going. But it’s disrespectful to the position and to the NFL, for how difficult it is, to think that you can not only not play but not practice in the preseason and expect to be at your top level in Week 1.”

Center Jeff Saturday could be back this week and tight end Dallas Clark, injured against the Bears, shouldn’t be gone long either. Once the offense gets in sync – which doesn’t figure to take long – the Colts will be back in the driver’s seat. And given the problems the Titans and Jags are facing early in the season, the AFC South will likely remain under Indy’s reign.

San Diego Chargers
Yes, they lost on the final play to Carolina. Yes, it will hurt them to not have Shawne Merriman flagellating around after every sack. No, they are not in serious trouble. There’s too much talent on this team for the loss of Merriman to derail them. With Shaun Phillips, Luis Castillo, Jamaal Williams, Igor Olshansky, Quentin Jammer and Antonio Cromartie still running around, the Chargers defense has plenty left in reserve. Beyond that, Philip Rivers continues to show he’s a quarterback in every sense of the word – leadership and performance. And any team with the services of LaDainian Tomlinson, Antonio Gates and Chris Chambers at their skill positions has to be respected. The Chargers have a big one this week in Denver but the Broncos have more to prove to themselves and the rest of the league than San Diego does.

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Tennessee Titans
Despite the Vince Young weirdness during and after the Titans win over Jacksonville, Tennessee will be fine because they have the nastiest defense in the AFC. Now, if Albert Haynesworth – who suffered a concussion against the Jags – has noggin problems that persist, that’s a bigger problem. But assuming he comes back without event, Tennessee will be fine defensively. On offense, the MCL injury suffered by Young doesn’t cripple them. Chris Johnson (93 yards in his first NFL game) and LenDale White are going to be a decent 1-2 punch and, while the Titans lose the scrambling dimension Young brings them with Kerry Collins playing quarterback, he stands a better chance of making the Titans weak receiving corps relevant.

Minnesota Vikings
I hesitated to include them here because losing at Green Bay is no disgrace. But this is a big week for them hosting the Colts. One of these teams with Super Bowl aspirations is going to drop to 0-2 (OK, fine, unless there’s a tie). Quarterback Tarvaris Jackson has to play better than he did in the opener (16 for 35 for 178 yards with a touchdown and a game-sealing pick), but this team is all about Adrian Peterson and what should be a run-clogging defense. Even if they drop to 0-2, the panic button should be moved out of the reach of jumpy Vikings fans.

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