Skip navigation
Site powered by
Latest news:
msnbc.com: Top msnbc.com headlines: Riots spread as Greek lawmakers OK debt bill

Temptations for college football fans to avoid

From Bowden's ACC favorite Tigers to Rich Rod's new-look Wolverines

Image: Michael CrabtreeGetty Images file
Not getting overexcited about Michael Crabtree and the Red Raiders starting 7-0 this season heads Sporting News' Spencer Hall's list of college football temptations to avoid.

The first step in any 12-step program is admitting you have a problem, and you do. The issue is college football, and you have a problem.

You will, whether you like it or not, be offered at least four games of football each Saturday. Double-stack the televisions or get the picture-in-picture working, and you can eye-boggle between eight games. If you're a real daredevil, you can pop open the laptop, get a streaming feed going, and then burst into flame from overstimulation. (Essential supplies for fall: beer, snacks and a functional fire extinguisher.)

The second step will be forgetting you ever went through step one and completely denying you have any problem with college football. Good for you -- all those support group meetings are so annoying, and the finger food at those things sucks almost as much as Louisville's 2007 pass defense did.

The third step will be making a list of all the mistakes you will not make again as a college football fan. My own follows.

• I will not become overly excited by a 7-0 Texas Tech team.

• I accept that I will do so anyway, and will attempt to enroll in Mike Leach's Pirate School sometime around Oct. 1.

• I will not buy into a championship Clemson team until Tommy Bowden hoists significant hardware over his head. Clemson has been my tequila pick for the past three years running, and every time it does precisely what tequila does: an initial rush of adrenaline, glee, and then everything spins out of control. Then the nausea arrives.

• I will have manageable expectations for Rich Rodriguez. Michigan's Steven Threet, meet Pat White. You both have two legs and play quarterback. There, we've listed everything you have in common.

• I will make it at least 20 minutes into a Pam Ward broadcast without falling asleep.

• I will fall asleep 15 minutes into this attempt.

• I will do my best not to anger Rey Maualuga in any way so as to reduce the number of casualties on the field and lessen the strain on our overtaxed health care system.

• I will assist Drew Weatherford and Ben Mauk in their appeals for a 13th year of eligibility from the NCAA.

• I will avoid making jokes about Joe Paterno's age, and send him a letter via Pony Express to tell him about this.

• I will not take out my anger at a bad play on anything that costs more than $10.

• I will chart the number of times Chris Spielman gets so excited he loosens his tie with his bulging neck. I will lose count somewhere in the high tens of thousands.

• I will go to Shreveport, La., the most beautiful city in northwestern Louisiana, and soak up all the flavor and ambience it has to offer a curious tourist. I will wear a flak jacket when I do this.

• I will give Beanie Wells every possible chance to win my theoretical Heisman vote, because he is cleated evil in all of the best possible senses of "cleated evil."

• I will vote for Tim Tebow anyway because I want him to circumcise my unborn sons.


advertisement
More news
Image: Boston College v Miami
Getty Images
'I'm taking that program down'

Miami coach Al Golden says the worst is behind him, but his headaches figure to continue now that former booster Nevin Shapiro, now in jail, says his involvement with the Hurricanes program will result in stiff penalties.

Image: LSU quarterback Jefferson is stripped of the ball by Alabama's Hightower during the second half of the NCAA BCS National Championship college football game in New Orleans
Reuters
CFT: Jefferson says 'Alabama was more prepared'

CFT: Jordan Jefferson makes it clear he wasn't happy with LSU's game plan in the Tigers' BCS Championship Game loss to Alabama.

Special feature
Heisman Hopefuls
Who will win top individual prize this season?

NBCSports.com

Video: Football from NBC Sports
Memphis fulfills BCS dream
Tigers officials thrilled to announce that school has been accepted to join the Big East Conference in 2013.

Slideshow
Image: Joe Paterno
  Joe Paterno (1926-2012)
A look at the career of legendary Penn State coach Joe Paterno

NBCSports.com

Slideshow
Image:
  BCS title game
Check out photos of Crimson Tide's victory over Tigers.

more photos

Slideshow
Image: Kansas State running back Pease is tackled by Arkansas defensive tackle Jones during the Cotton Bowl Classic football game in Arlington, Texas
  Bowled over
Check out the action from the postseason games.

NBCSports.com

Slideshow
Kansas vs Oklahoma State
  All-American team
Check out which players were best of the best at each position.

NBCSports.com

Slideshow
Image: Rose Bowl Game presented by Vizio - Wisconsin v Oregon
  College cheer
Check out some of the college football cheerleaders from across the country.

NBCSports.com

Slideshow
Image: Snee, 8, son of New York Giants player Chris Snee and head coach Coughlin's grandson plays in the confetti after the New York Giants defeated the New England Patriots in the NFL Super Bowl XLVI football game in Indianapolis
  The Week in Sports Pictures
The Giants on top of the football world, getting ready for the London Olympics and more.

more photos