LAKE TAHOE, Nev. - See the ball, Charles. Be the ball.

Sadly, Ty Webb's advice from "Caddyshack" would not have made much of a difference today. Mr. Barkley finished at a whopping minus-55, which in the tournament's Stableford scoring system translates to: a lot. But there were twice as many smiles as there were strokes.

On No. 7, Barkley begins making fun of golfing partner Kevin Nealon's shirt. "It's too small," Barkley says. "You need a bigger shirt, so people can't see your lack of muscles." Nealon respondes by rolling his sleeves to his shoulders and flexing his biceps, which are actually fairly big. Not Hanz and Franz big, mind you ...

"Not bad, Kev," Barkley muses.

"There's plenty more where that came from," Nealon replies.

"Probably the most fun I ever have golfing is with Charles Barkley," said Nealon, who, like Barkley, is a veteran of the the American Centrury event. "He makes me feel good about myself. I feel that my game is good, but he's a great guy and people love him."

The thing about a day golfing wth Barkley is that you see a lot of nature.

"You're in the woods a lot," Nealon said. "Always hitting out of the woods."

Nealon, of course, is noted these days for his lead role on the Showtime series "Weeds." Fitting.

Nealon's finest moment came on the ninth green — the final hole of the day for he and Barkley — when he missed a putt and Barkley picked it up. Charles then tossed it to Nealon, who turned and caught it behind his back; a smooth manuever which was caught by the NBC cameras.

Barkley spent the final two holes Saturday searching out attractive women in the gallery. When he spots one who is taking his picture, he scowls, shakes his head, and walks over to her. He then envelops her in a half-hug, and has someone else take the camera and snap a shot of the two of them.

It's not exactly how the PGA would approach things. But this is Tahoe, and Barkley is here to have a good time.

"A day golfing with Charles is a great day," Nealon said. "If I could golf every day with him, I would."

Chair trickery
The fifth green is on a small plateau, and it's no small effort for Barkley to lumber up the incline to get there.

He spots three course attendants, all sitting in plastic folding chairs. He stops a few feet from them, and motions to the one on the end to come over.

"Could you come over here, please?" asks Charles.

There is a grave look on Barkley's face, like he's angry that something terrible has happened.

"Could I talk to you please?"

The course attendant gets up quickly, afraid that Barkley has been offended in some way.

"Of course," he says.

As the attendant approaches him, Barkley walks past him, and straight to the chair. The gallery is laughing, and Barkley sits in the chair. "Ahh, that's better," he says.

The old swipe-the-chair trick, and it works every time.

"Thanks," says Barkley to the attendant. "I appreciate it."

I suppose I should talk a little about Barkley's swing. It's segmented, of course — three different swings, really. There are two hitches, and then a final approach that may or may not actually strike the ball. A friend of mine describes it like this: "It looks like Barkley is in the middle of his swing, and suddenly sees a snake."

Anyway, there's video of it elsewhere on this site. Enjoy.

Team Nealon is loud
Charles Barkley was grouped Friday with bombastic former pitcher David Wells and talkative ESPN columnist Rick Reilly, neither of whom would shut up even for a minute. Saturday was a study in contrasts, as Barkley was paired with comedian Kevin Nealon, who is on the quiet side.

Not so for Team Nealon, however. The comedian is followed by a vociferous group of local high school kids — about 10 in all — who are all wearing brown Team Nealon T-shirts. They are Nealon's posse for this event, and by proxy, also Barkley's.

"To be a part of Team Nealon, you have to be a supporter of Kevin, and be willing to be a part of something greater than yourself," said Michael Sabistina, 16, of Stateline, Nev. "Basically you just have to show up and be willing to follow him around the course."

"Kevin's family couldn't make it, so we're his family for the tournament," said Kory Koskin of Minden, Nev. (Nealon used to live at Lake Tahoe, but now resides in southern California). "He comes and talks to us, and we help him line up shots."

So what is it like following Barkley for an entire day?

"It's entertaining. He has the best swing in the world," Sabistina said. And by best, we assume he means worst. "Kevin is playing by misdirection today. He's giving Charles a break, and then he's going to pull away tomorrow."

Other members of Team Nealon are David King of South Lake Tahoe, Mandy Heiser of Minden, Michael Koskin of Stateline, Grant and Taylor Marshall of Minden and Ethan Kauffman of Zephyr Cove. The group was organized by Dirk Moore, a longtime friend of Nealon's who lives in Houston.

"Each year I print up 40 or so T-shirts and pass them out to the throng," he said. "The only requirement really is that you be a supporter of Kevin's and be willing to follow him around for the day. It's not an exclusive club."

Following Barkley all day is tough, said Moore, who owns a Yellow Pages business in Houston. "Between the two of them (Barkley and Nealon), they take about two practice swings," Moore said. "So it's about 300 strokes of bad golf. You get to the point that you have to take a few holes off. But Kevin loves Charles, and likes competing with him very much. They've known each other for a long time.'

Gold medals aren't gold
Following  Barkley on the fairway is like traveling with Lawrence of Arabia across the Nefu. It's a hot, plodding journey of attrition, with seemingly no end in sight and little water. Since this is not a Spare the Air day, Barkley lights up a cigar (he has a separate compartment in his bag devoted to them).

While waiting for the Trent Green, Darryl Strawberry, Jay Cutler group ahead of us on No. 15, Barkley talks to me about Olympic basketball.

"I have two gold medals," he said. "I used to keep them in a safe. But then I went and had them appraised, and the guy says they're just gold plated. They're worth about $19.95. So I just keep them in my closet now. It was disappointing; I was trying to raise $400,000." That's the running theme today: Barkley's casino debt that precipitated his moratorium on gambling.

Kevin Nealon is doing his part to play down to the competition. His ball landed next to a tree on No. 14, and he hit the trunk on his backswing repeatedly, hoping somehow that the tree would move, exclaiming "Doh!" every time.

Is he laughing?
Most pointless activity in the history of humans: When Charles Barkley stoops over to remove a pine needle from near his tee on the 11th (the group started on the 10th tee this morning).

This round has begun typically, with Barkley's first three drives whistling barely inches above the grass. Geese seem blissfully unaware of the real danger they face. After a missed putt on No. 3, Barkley throws his club and hits his golf bag squarely, knocking it over; a successful throw of about 18 feet. Spectators are still struggling with this paradox.

As Barkley was preparing to tee off on No. 10, Kevin Nealon tells him: "Come on, it's getting dark." Then Nealon turns to me and whispers nervously, "Is he laughing?"

Back to last place
As Barkley was preparing to tee off on No. 10, Kevin Nealon tells him: "Come on, it's getting dark." Then Nealon turns to me and whispers nervously, "Is he laughing?"

We have an update from the American Century Championship.

When we left you last, Charles Barkley had avoided last place in the overall standings. But in a dramatic comeback on the final two holes on Friday, Jay Cutler rallied to inch ahead of Sir Charles and leave the cellar to its traditional occupant. Cutler is at minus-24, and Barkley sits at minus-25. Keep in mind that this is the complicated and pointless Stableford scoring system, where the high score is best.

As of the final hole on Friday, there was a three-way tie for the overall lead at plus-19 between Mike Schmidt, Tim Brown, Sterling Sharpe and Carlton Fisk.

And this just in ... defending champion Chris Chandler just took the lead with an eagle on the fifth hole.

Barkley tees off at 10:20 a.m. PT, and since it's now only 10, odds are he's just waking up at the hotel. His playing partner will be Kevin Nealon. See you in a bit.

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