Alex Brandon / AP file

Arizona coach Mike Stoops is bound to lose it this season, says Sporting News columnist Spencer Hall.

Orange: It's Gonna Happen. Duck.
Nick Saban, Alabama: I don't want to say Saban will yell, mind you. I do want to predict that at one point, a reporter will ask Nick Saban a question he won't like, and that when the reporter does, Nick Saban's lips will disappear, his eyes will turn into black globes of endless darkness, and he will shoot fiery lasers from his pupils, turning the potbellied reporter into a pile of smoking ash on the floor.

Then, he will say calmly: "Next question."

Steve Spurrier, South Carolina: Three years of not being able to keep his players qualified, not finding his dreamboy quarterback and not keeping key players healthy throughout the season have to hit critical mass at one point. If an interception/defensive collapse/personal foul combo sinks the Gamecocks in a game this season, wear a helmet with a built-in spit shield to the postgame presser, and call dibs on the defensive coordinator's parking space. He won't need it for long.

Red: Core Breach Imminent
Mike Stoops, Arizona: I will commit a rhetorical foul by using the overused phrase "perfect storm," because this is the perfect storm. (Dock us points for the cliche, judges.) Stoops is going into year five of a death-defying stint at Arizona; almost fired last year, perpetually on the hot seat, and alternating high points such as last year's upset of Oregon with a season-ending loss to — egads! — Stanford, Stoops must be worn to a frazzled nub.

Also: He looks as if he's in good enough shape to toss some chairs and tables with substantial force. Take stun guns and plastic restraints as a precaution, but even then that may not be enough. Have the National Guard on speed dial. If Richard Crenna shows up in a beret and uniform saying he's here to save you from him after the Guard's been called out, just run and don't look back: A frothing Mike Stoops may be gaining on you.

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