John Walters

According to the timeline in the "This is SportsCenter" ad, the "Boston Three Party" was born at 8:25 p.m. on Nov. 23 in Bristol, Conn. As you can plainly observe for yourself, new Celtic teammates Kevin Garnett, Paul Pierce and Ray Allen approach ESPN anchor Scott Van Pelt to solicit an appropriate handle for themselves.

The All-Stars toss out their pithiest suggestions: "Parquet Posse" ... "Three Basketeers" ... "Barrage A Trois" and (groan) ... "The Three Amigos."

Van Pelt, whose unvitation to Tony Romo's in-house party, we can only presume, provides him more free time to conjure bon mots, ends the debate by responding, "The Boston Three Party."

Thus, a sobri-parquet was born.

Except that it is all wrong. First, credit belongs to a sports editor at The Washington Post who wrote "Time for the Boston 3 Party" as a headline last Aug. 1. The Celtics had made the trade for Garnett just one day earlier.

Second, at 8:25 p.m. last Nov. 23, Garnett, Pierce and Allen were not in Bristol, but rather Boston. They were clad in white jerseys -- not green -- and in the midst of a 107-94 victory over (talk about foreshadowing) the Los Angeles Lakers.

Third, and this is purely a matter of personal preference, "PGA Tour" is better.

Finally, and most important, the entire notion of three Celtics who had no role in any of the 16 world championship banners or 22 retired numbers that hang from the rafters of the TD Banknorth Garden is blasphemous (as is the name TD Banknorth Garden, but that's another rant). For a trio of Celtic All-Stars to navel-gaze, even facetiously, about themselves is like listening to a present-day rock band from Liverpool discuss their haircuts.

Special feature Title town Images of the 16 championships that the Boston Celtics have won

Why? Because no trio that wears the three-leafed clover on the backs of their jerseys will likely ever approach the success of Larry Bird, Kevin McHale and Robert Parish. "The Big Three," which is as close as they ever came to having a pseudonym, were a Hub fixture for a dozen seasons. Bird, McHale and Parish led the Celtics to five NBA Finals and won three. In the process all three earned themselves enshrinement into the Basketball Hall of Fame.

Seen through that prism the "This is SportsCenter" ad comes off as a case of premature appellation. Certainly Garnett, Pierce and Allen were knowingly taking part in some self-mockery by filming the ad. Garnett, after all, played under general manager McHale in Minnesota for his first 12 seasons. Still, it is telling that when Boston general manager Danny Ainge, a starter on those epic Celtics teams of the 1980s, was asked back in October what nickname he preferred, he replied, "How's this? How about if we call them the Celtics?"

For a city that has already enjoyed three Super Bowl wins and two World Series triumphs this decade, there are still plenty of reasons to be thrilled about the Celtics resurgence. No franchise has been more successful than Boston, winners of those unprecedented -- for either Boston or the NBA -- 16 NBA championships. And this season the Celtics won more than 60 games (66-16) for the first time since 1986, when they finished 67-15 and, as everyone from Swampscott to Scott Wedman is well aware, won their last NBA title.

None of this could have happened without the acquisitions last summer of Allen and Garnett. Last year the Celtics, with the same general manager (Danny Ainge, a starter on that 1985-86 team), same coach (Doc Rivers) and same leading scorer (Pierce), finished 28-54. Then Ainge cleared the bench as if it were garbage time in order to acquire Allen from Seattle and Garnett from Minnesota.

The melding of "PGA" into a cohesive force this season is quite unlike what occurred back in 1980-81, the first season that Bird, McHale and Parish all first suited up together. McHale was a rookie and Bird the incumbent Rookie of the Year. Parish, rescued after four years of hoops purgatory in Golden State, arrived in Boston labeled as a passive underachiever.

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(It is worth noting that Garnett and Allen might have blossomed together, albeit for the Timberwolves, just as Bird and McHale did for the Celtics. In 1995, Garnett was Minnesota's first pick -- fifth overall -- and the following season Allen was (also fifth overall). The duo had to wait 11 seasons to finally play together, though, because immediately after drafting Allen, Minnesota dealt him to Milwaukee in exchange for Stephon Marbury. The genius behind that deal? T-Wolves GM Kevin McHale.)

Bird, McHale and Parish. They were three players with a combined five years of NBA experience and one All-Star Game (Bird's). PGA, on the other hand, began this season with 32 combined seasons of service and 22 All-Star Game appearances. The Big Three's first season together was "Before Sunrise." PGA's inaugural season is "Before Sunset."

Player-by-player comparisons are dangerous and dumb. Is Garnett most like Bird because he is the most talented overall? Or is it Pierce, because he already was a Celtic and, by the way, he happened to lead the team in scoring this season? Or is it Allen, who has the prettiest jumper? None of them are as taciturn as Parish, a.k.a. "The Chief," nor as awkwardly effective as McHale once was.

The Big Three were two-thirds low-post player and one-third hoops genius. PGA is two-thirds perimeter player and one-third hoops' ultimate warrior. Yes, LeBron James' teams have won more playoff series in his five seasons than Garnett's have in his 13. To that I offer this two-word rebuttal: Western Conference.

Except for the number of players involved and the uniform they wore -- thankfully unchanged across the two eras -- there are few comparisons to be drawn between Boston's Big Three and its Three Party. By doing so you risk defaming the former and inflaming the latter.

There is this, however. The Big Three, in their first season together, ended the Celtics' longest title drought (four entire seasons) since Boston had begun hanging championship banners back in 1957. It has now been 23 years, unfathomable as that may seem, since the Celtics last won the NBA championship. If Pierce, Garnett and Allen ended that pall in their first year as teammates, it would be the only comparison that matters.

And as for a suitable pseudonym? How about "Tri-umph?"

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