We only wish these were April Fools' jokes
Canseco's 2nd book, meaningless Becks, irked Chad keep bugging us
 Haraz N. Ghanbari / AP Los Angeles Galaxy midfielder David Beckham, right, won't be turning soccer in the U.S. into a big deal any time soon, Mike Ventre writes. |
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The phrase conjures images of shocked expressions and rampant chuckles. Did someone at the gym put Ben Gay in your jockstrap? Did you receive a delivery of 10 pizzas you never ordered? Did you get a very convincing call from someone who says they want to hire you for a much better paying job, so you quit the one you have now and tell off your boss in the process, only to discover that it was all a hilarious April Fool’s joke? What fun!
In sports, unfortunately, April Fools' is not limited to April 1. April Fools' jokes seem to happen regularly. In such cases, we might want to think somebody is pulling our leg, but in truth what appears to be tomfoolery is actually a real occurrence.
With that in mind, here is a list of 10 things in sports we wish were April Fools' jokes. These types of shenanigans should be restricted to a one-day indulgence of mischief, but instead they are tricks on us that extend far beyond April 1. Get ready to bust a gut. In sports, the hijinks never end:
PACMAN WILL SIGN WITH THE COWBOYS: OK, you got me. Where are the hidden cameras? For a minute there, I thought I heard a report that the Cowboys were interested in bringing in Pacman Jones. A mischievous prank by any estimation. These are the Dallas Cowboys. America’s Team. They’re not what you would call wholesome, but they do have an image to protect. If they bring in Pacman, they might as well replace the goal posts with stripper poles. And there are more than 50 players on the Cowboys’ sideline for any given game, plus coaches, team and league personnel and photographers. Can Jerry Jones afford to supply everyone with a bulletproof vest? No, this can’t be. If anyone tells you that Pacman will be a Cowboy, make sure he doesn’t have a hand buzzer in his palm.
DAVID BECKHAM WILL REJUVENATE SOCCER IN U.S.: Sorry, I won’t fall for that tired gag. It’s the sports equivalent of “Your shoelace is untied.” The British star and his wife came to the U.S. with a big splash and a multimillion-dollar deal with the L.A. Galaxy. But when he wasn’t playing for England for some obscure cup, he was sitting in a whirlpool bath refusing comment. Beckham wasn’t a soccer player last season, he was a photo op. And one of those doctored Bigfoot photos to boot.
JOSE CANSECO WRITES A SECOND BOOK: You’ve got to be kidding. That’s a knee-slapper. I mean, who would have expected it? A former narcissistic major leaguer with a grudge against the world because his skills eroded and he alienated everybody he ever knew and therefore no franchise wants to give him any kind of baseball-related job would write maybe one tell-all book, tops. But a second book, in which he insinuates that he introduced Alex Rodriguez to a steroids connection even though he offers no proof? That’s the kind of thing that would catch anyone by surprise, even the most seasoned scamp.
ISIAH THOMAS KEEPS HIS JOB: This is the April Fools' joke that keeps on giving, because you’re never really sure if you’re being put on or not. It goes like this. Jokester: “Isiah will remain with the Knicks.” Victim: “Get out!” Jokester: “Nah, I’m just kidding.” Victim: “Oh, I knew you were.” Jokester: “Well, actually I’m not.” Victim: “C’mon. You can’t be serious!” And so on. Actually, that’s the way it’s been almost throughout the entire tenure of the Knicks’ president and head coach. In fact, he could be fired any day now. Or not. Isiah Thomas is the whoopee cushion people keep sitting on.
BOB KNIGHT SERVES AS ESPN ANALYST: Talk about using one’s imagination when trying to fool people. Knight is about as far away from anyone’s expectation of a media talking head, since he has always been the type to tear people’s heads off. So the suggestion that Knight would calmly sit in a studio offering his opinions on college hoops while three or four other panelists genuflect in his presence is something out of David Copperfield’s Vegas act. What audacity! Then again, Knight always has thrived on the element of surprise. Whether it’s throwing a chair across a basketball court, getting into an altercation with a Puerto Rican policeman, berating a sports information assistant or getting himself fired after a run-in with a rude student, it’s like he’s an April Fools’ joke every day of the year.
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