Welcome to my inaugural email answer sesh.  Oh wait ... I have to swear in:

I, MATTY BLAKE, PROMISE TO ANSWER MY MAIL TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY.  I WILL RARELY RESEARCH FACTS, I WILL ALWAYS TYPE BEFORE I THINK AND I WILL ANSWER EVERY SINGLE E-MAIL I GET (unless I get really popular and that number exceeds ... let's say ... 10 per day).  SO HELP ME GOD.

Here we go ...

Hi Matty - I'm not sure who you are ... but Brett Favre after see big Bens 100 mil in pittsburg will be back -this guys greed and ego and selfishness are as big as Clemens -that charade he pulled on television was very good-but trust me if I was a betting person, this guy will sign with another team for two years just as Clemens kept doing -these guys need to be exposed.  Old Roger is finally getting his -  as I say in my blogs bears  make it -bulls make it but pigs get cooked.  These guys have not given anything back to either sport accept take  -- even at the expense of their families. - PATRICK L Buffalo NY

First of all allow me to quote the pathetic Patrick "Patches" Kennedy who the great columnist Howie Carr reminds us, once yelled to an airport security guard: "DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?!!" Patches also once allegedly said, "I have never worked a [bleeping] day in my life."  That may be the only thing Patches and I have in common.  You bring up a good point Patrick, perhaps I should use this inaugural email answer sesh to introduce myself further:  I am a comedian and sports fan.  

Insofar as your Favre rant I certainly admire your passion and appreciate the email.  I must respectfully disagree with your assessment " ... that charade he pulled on television was very good."

I'm pretty good at smelling BS and reading people Pat.  For instance, I fancy you a guy who does not like Favre.  See?  It's eerie isn't it?  I've seen some podium BS before and that was about the most real thing I've seen in sports in awhile.  The guy is all heart.  I'm pretty cynical and I'll bash someone at the drop of a hat but man I can't call the guy on that one.  I think he meant every word he said.  As I see it, last year Favre was torn: On one hand he knew he COULD still play, on the other hand he no longer wanted to. 

I loved when he said he knew he would regret his decision.  Some people took that as indication that he may play again.  I took it as absolute proof he won't.  To be that vulnerable to say "Yeah sure I want the fun part but am not willing to do the hard part" was brutally honest and proof to me that his mind is not where his body is.  Dangerous place to be in sports.

17 and 0. Perfect and unmatched! Our legend has been tested and it has prevailed. I am most thankful to the Giants and most certain that I will never have things get that close again in my lifetime. The Ravens had them beat but for a foolish timeout. Ironically, the only team the Dolphin's beat was the Ravens. Plus, Philly should have beat them. If the great Tom Brady and genius Bill Belichek can't close the deal, I'm pretty sure my grumpy old men are secure long into their graves. If you hook a Patriot's fan up to a lie detector, I guarantee that it would show they would rather have not made the playoffs than have gone 18 and 1. That level of pain has infinite capability and will only get worse over time. You know, I even think it hurts worse than going 1 and 15, because, right now, I'm feeling pretty good. - JOSEPH D Miami

Ask not Joseph for whom that final whistle blows ... it blows for thee.  Don't start making your final arrangements yet.  I DO think things will get that close in both our lifetimes.  It's kind of like that story of the four minute mile: It was considered impossible and maybe even dangerous until Roger Bannister broke it in 1954.  Then everybody and his sister started running sub four minute miles.  I feel like the same thing might happen here.  The Colts once came damn close.  I think teams are going to start holding perfection as the possibility now ... except they'll really mean it.  My gosh the Pats couldn't have played much worse for them, and they were one play away three times from doing it.  It may just happen in your life and it may just be the Pats that do it ...

By the way you don't have to book me on "Moment Of Truth" for me to tell you that you are fundamentally wrong about your 18-1 vs. No Playoffs theory.  I'm going to be doing an "on-camera" rant REAL soon all about this topic, so keep watching Patrick.  I'm going to talk rationally (ie:  "not rationally") about the Pats and how people like you are trying to take away the 18 wins based on the one SuperBowl loss.  Let me tell you, 18 wins and three out of four SuperBowls in 7 years has been indescribably SWEET!  How was life in Miami this decade?  Didn't think so.

If the best you can say is "I feel great because the Pats finally lost one" ... then you better go get yourself a new GM.  Oh that's right you got TUNA.  Hey, he ended up working for us ... go ahead take our sloppy seconds.  Heck ... in five years you might be competitive.

Hey Matty,

Find a new gig you piece of s---.  Enough of you commentary primadonas. What the hell is your opinion worth; more than mine?  Of course, of course make yourself a million.  Keep thinking you are a big man and you might reach nirvana.  Ha, ha. - CLAYTON C. from "gmail"

This is impressive Clayton.  You went from calling me a "piece of s---" to an exploration of Hindu theology.  Very good.  Given that you are clearly a complex cat, may I recommend this website for your further edification.  By the by as a side note, I once starred in a commercial directed by Wes Anderson for Dasani Water.  I was a dog.  I wonder if I spent one of my past lives as a canine?

Insofar as my spiritual well-being, alas, I am a Christian and don't believe in the concept of Nirvana, nor do I believe in reincarnation.  My faith tells me I've got one shot at this, so thank you Clayton for reminding me to raise my spiritual bar as it were.  Are you still awake, Clayton?  CLAYTON?!

Insofar as my opinions: Unfortunately they ARE worth more than yours ... unless a network is paying you for yours and I have yet to see you.  My apologies if that is the case.
Oh wait you meant in the grander, "we-are-all-human-beings" sense.  Well Clayton we actually agree.  I do NOT think my opinion is worth "more" than yours.  I just may have a knack for expressing said opinions without say ... oh I don't know ... calling someone a "piece of s---"

I wish you clear Chakras, Clayton.

Editors note:  Matty has in the past (and will often) call people a 'piece of s---'.

Sorry, but this isn't a question as much as it is an observation.  You aren't funny.  I know you have probably been told countless times that this is not the case but let me tell you why it is.  You think Billy Crystal is funny.  Billy Crystal, the king of schmaltz and overly sentimental supposed humor who wasn't even funny during his SNL days and almost single handedly put a screeching halt to the Las Vegas Comedy Festival with his deplorable and boring characterization of a black jazz musician, shouldn't get to play for the Yankees on any level.  He should be forced to hide in seclusion lest he be pushed to defend his horrible body of work.  And you said he should have the right to do whatever he wants because of 'When Harry Met Sally'?  Shame on both of you. - MICHELLE & BRIAN R.

Good gravy you two sound like a barrel of laughs.  All I can tell you is that I've been making my living as a full time comedian/comedy writer for 10 years now and a majority of my peers think the same as I do of Billy Crystal.  And before you give me a Bill Hicks lecture, most of my friends are very edgy and intelligent comics who recognize there is a place for Crystal as well as say ... Mitch Hedberg may he rest in peace.  Billy was an influence on many comics, probably more than would ever admit.  I think he's great. If that makes me unfunny, then call me Screech.

I won't go on a full tirade here but suffice to say, if you don't think Harry Met Sally is one of the all time great comedian-doing-romantic-comedy performances, then we probably wouldn't get on too well anyway ...

But as my comedy hero Dennis Miller says:  "It's called a sense of humor for a reason: It is just that ... a sense."  One person's Crystal is another person's Hicks.

Yo Matty, why no love for Kobe? - JJ from Brentwood CA

It's not that I don't have love for Kobe.  He's clearly one of the NBA greats.  I'm just saying wait for the playoffs before we have a coronation.

There is the difference betwixt a regular season scoring phenom and "The Best."  That tag has to include winning in the playoffs.  I know Kobe has done that before, but if you wanna make Michael comparisons he must win without a big guy.  I think Kobe is a warrior and I totally respect his game.  I also think his past whining might come back to haunt him.  Teammates don't forget that stuff.  All it takes is one or two playoff games to go bad and you'll have an imploding Lakers.  Kobe will be right back where he started last summer ... meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

Ha ha funny stuff ...but who's gonna win the big dance ... funny man? - Robert in Florida

Well, not the Gators ... I'm gonna have to go with Presley.

Hello Matty,

My name is Melanie.  I am the owner of In The Zone Technologies, LLC and Bob's associate in attempting to spread his unique and effective performance coaching to the world.

Hello Melanie,

My name is Matty Blake and I am the writer / star of the Matty Blake Show.  AND I AM FOR SALE !!! You name the price and I'll shill for it.  I'm shameless.  Consider me Ahshlee Dupre and you are Elliot Spitzer.  Use me baby !  USE ME !

Editors Note:  Matty is prohibited from doing any endorsements on the MATTY BLAKE SHOW.

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