Tom Dienhart

Did you hear the news? Fergie will play a spring football game concert at Penn State.

I'm sure SOMEONE is excited about this. If I only knew who Fergie is. Perhaps it's Fergie Jenkins.

The concert at Penn State is one of several that will take place across the nation on April 18 as part of something called "Gridiron Bash."

MSL Sports and Entertainment is organizing the events, which also will include fan activities and tailgating. It's all about making a spectacle around spring football games — and making money, of course.

The grand prize: The school with the greatest concert attendance will receive $1 million toward its general scholarship fund. Students can boost their school's figure by calling in or texting votes. Second place earns $500,000, and third earns $250,000.

The musical acts supposedly are tied to regions where they would have appeal. Some of the schools and their performers:

• Alabama: Alan Jackson
• Iowa: Kelly Clarkson
• Texas A&M: ZZ Top
• Rutgers: Fall Out Boy
• Utah: Maroon 5
• LSU: Kid Rock and Sara Evans
• Colorado: Counting Crows
• South Carolina: Black Crowes
• Kansas State: Goo Goo Dolls
• Oklahoma State: Keith Anderson

And, of course, Fergie at Penn State.

Fergie? Fergie! Fergie.

Forget it.

And I have no earthly idea who or what are Fall Out Boy, Maroon 5, Keith Anderson, Alan Jackson and Sara Evans.

I'm guessing they'll be on the fast track to the State Fair circuit with all of those "great" 1980s bands I was told to love back when I was in college. You know: Flock of Seagulls, Men Without Hats, Kajagoogoo. Thomas Dolby, Nena, Thompson Twins.

Pathetic.

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As was the case in the great 1980s, today's popular acts are, for the most part, dopy pop stars manufactured by executives in Los Angeles. But today it's even worse, with Nashville moguls in on the act, churning out faux country musicians.

It's not right to surround a gladiator sport like college football with bubble gum stars. Remember what astute Colorado coach Dan Hawkins said last year: IT'S DIVISION ONE FOOTBALL!!!

Give us some rough and tough musical acts. Where is AC/DC? W.A.S.P.? Ozzy? Accept? Jackyl? Judas Priest? Motley Crue? Slayer? Megadeth? Anthrax? Guns 'N' Roses? Lizzy Borden?

Alas, Penn State fans are left with something called "Fergie."

I'm guessing JoePa won't be blazing his Bic above his head. Now, if it were a cover band of Glenn Miller blasting out "Chattanooga Choo-Choo," I could see JoePa banging his head and moshing it up in the pit.

Maybe next year, JoePa.