Tough love
Charles Howell III, on being the target of U.S. Presidents Cup captain Jack Nicklaus' legendary needle: "He went around and said, 'Zach (Johnson), great job winning the Masters, green jacket, that's fantastic, that's awesome. David (Toms), another solid season; you're another steady, steady player. Hunter (Mahan), you've really come along here lately; this is fantastic.' " Then Nicklaus looked over at Howell, who had not finished in the top 10 since March. "Charles, you need a lesson."

Lost in translation
The executive assistant to the editor of The Telegraph, after Jack Nicklaus stopped by the offices in London during the British Open: "I know he's a big star and all that, but what's Jack Nicholson doing with the sports desk?"

You're the greatest! No, you are!
With the tennis and golf tours both in South Florida, world No. 1 Roger Federer has dinner aboard the Privacy--the yacht of world No. 1 Tiger Woods--and Woods goes to see Federer play after a round at Doral.

Tiger, I'm afraid after that 43 you owe Arnold $20 for the shootout
Tiger Woods makes two double bogeys and a triple bogey to shoot 43 on the back nine of the final round at Bay Hill.

The nexte step: A local rule for the homeboy
Canadian Mike Weir shows up at Royal Montreal in a mock-neck shirt before the Presidents Cup matches and is forced to change before playing.

Commitment to excellence
John Daly shoots a 67 in the first round of the PGA Championship after skipping practice rounds to spend time at a casino.

Vladimir Putin? John McEnroe? You can NOT be serious!
Tennis star Maria Sharapova, listing "my top-10 dream mixed-doubles partners" on her website, makes Adam Scott No. 6, with the notation, "Night match, please?" Sharapova's top three: John McEnroe, James Bond and Russian President Vladimir Putin. Says Scott: "I'm not sure about her taste in men."

For $500, you can get a driver that hits you in the head
Gerald Ford's old golf equipment goes up for auction.

Brotherly love
Bill Harmon, kidding his brother Butch as the family receives the Richardson Award for outstanding contributions to golf: "What we can't understand is how he keeps getting voted the best teacher in the world when he's the worst teacher in his family."

Depriving us of Scene 1: Ricky Bobby streaks at Augusta
Comedian Will Ferrell tours Augusta National and says that despite doing stock-car and figure-skating spoofs, he has no plans to make a golf movie.

After that, maybe he can get them off the golf course
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney, during a campaign stop in Florida: "There's nothing as fuel-efficient as a golf cart. If I could just get every American to drive to work in a golf cart."

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