Michael Ventre

Guessing what will happen next is a natural way of life in the sports world. Oddmakers, media and fans try to predict everything from the over/under of an NFL game to which baseball player will be named next as a juicer, and which excuse he will use afterward.

When a new year arrives, the pace of prognostications increases. It’s only natural that when faced with a fresh new year, sports fans will ponder the future and wonder what it holds besides more beer, pizza and ESPN.

Fortunately, sports represent a fertile area for guessing, moreso even than who will emerge from the Democratic and Republican primaries or how many times we’ll have to look at that shot of Jessica Simpson sitting in the stadium box in Texas.

With that in mind, here are some predictions for 2008. If even two of them come true, my next stop is Vegas:

Denver Broncos running back Travis Henry will talk to his agent and attorney to prepare to start making yet another series of child-support payments, but will think about it for a long moment and declare, “Wait a minute. I don’t even know Britney Spears’ little sister.”

Bobby Petrino will break his contract with the University of Arkansas to take the head coaching position with the Miami Dolphins. He will also break his cell phone contract and his car lease.

Bill Belichick will again get busted by the NFL for spying, this time for using something called the “Hoodie Cam.”

Jessica Simpson will embark on a new career after viewing the William H. Macy film, “The Cooler.”

After insisting again that he never took steroids or any performance-enhancing drugs, Roger Clemens will declare that he has an unusually wide stance when he uses a public toilet.

Les Miles – dressed in a maize-and-blue letterman’s jacket with a capital “M” emblazoned on it while clutching an 8-x-10 glossy of Bo Schembechler to his chest – will insist he has had no contact with anyone at Michigan.

Alex Rodriguez will be photographed by a New York tabloid with what appears to be yet another stripper, but it will turn out to be just Scott Boras being punished.

The Sports Year in Review Celizic: Best of years, worst of years JT: Taylor's killing was worst story of '07 Whiner of the Year: 'BALCO' Barry Violent NFL deaths were sad bookends Bugs, 'Peyton,' Papelbon's dog ... wow! Newsweek: Top 10 stories  |  Nos. 11-30 AP athletes of year: Brady  |  Ochoa Sporting News honors Brady for 2nd time Bonds tops Vick as AP story of the year Ventre: Weird things could happen in '08

Pacman Jones will promise to change his ways and never go into a strip club again after seeing Boras dressed as a stripper.

Google Maps will add a revolutionary new feature that will enable users to locate baseball players who haven’t been ratted on by Jose Canseco.

Dick Vitale and Stuart Scott will make full recoveries from their respective ailments and return to doing what they do best. Bravo for them on the first part. No comment on the second.

The Yankees will honor Joe Torre for his years of service to the club, but Hank Steinbrenner will inform him that he can only have one glass of champagne.

Kobe Bryant will buy a new car and realize that he doesn’t like it and would rather have a different one, then out of habit will go on every radio station that will have him to demand a trade.

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