Michael Ventre

The old saw about New York City, “If you can make it there, you can make it anywhere” is not entirely accurate. True, New York has traditionally been the national leader in art, theater, music, architecture, sports, business, media, restaurants and fashion, but Los Angeles has taken a commanding edge in cosmetic surgery, movie star DUIs, overpriced real estate, traffic, unsupervised yoga studios, scam religions and aspiring actors and actresses with little or no talent.

Take that, New York.

And when it comes to celebrities, Los Angeles is easily the capital of the world. L.A. has more celebrities in rehab than New York has total. Most of the celebrities in New York walk around with baseball caps and shades on anyway, trying to look incognito rather than fulfill their obligations to preen, so they really don’t count. A tourist can land at LAX, get into a cab and within five minutes see somebody famous getting hauled off by the cops.

Naturally, the competition to become the biggest celebrity in Los Angeles would appear to be furious. But in reality, it’s not so spirited. Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are probably the three most famous celebs in L.A. right now. That’s like walking into an ice cream store and finding out the only flavors they have left are guava nut, castor oil ripple and double sashimi chip.

In sports, the pickings are even slimmer. Over the years, L.A. has been the sports world’s Lollapalooza. But the marquee has scant few names at this point in time. Kobe Bryant is the obvious one, but after that there’s media-shy Vladimir Guerrero of the Angels, USC coach Pete Carroll, maybe Elton Brand of the Clippers, and whichever old Dodger isn’t laid up in the trainer’s room.

That’s why the time is ideal for David Beckham. If he does nothing else except pose for “W Magazine” with his wife and trot out with his Los Angeles Galaxy teammates during pre-game warm-ups, he will become the No. 1 star in town.

Weigh in on hot sports topics Beckham will make soccer a major U.S. sport

Soccer is irrelevant to this discussion. After all, can anyone really identify exactly what Paris Hilton does, or how she became famous? Quick, name a Lindsay Lohan movie. Quick, name a Britney Spears song.

The issue of whether soccer will become a sensation à la the iPhone simply because Becks is running around in short pants in sunny Southern California is moot. The attraction is David Beckham, celebrity, not David Beckham, soccer player.

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A friend who is a rabid soccer devotee tried to explain to me how Beckham’s skills can be best applied. What I gleaned from the discussion is that Beckham can only do a few things on the soccer pitch, that he is no Ronaldinho, and that the Galaxy will only be marginally better with Beckham in the mix. I was tempted to argue with him, but since I had no idea what to say in response, I chose not to.

But gauging his worth as the No. 1 sports star in the Los Angeles area — and indeed, a prime candidate for the overall throne — requires an examination of the competition.

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