Everybody raves about the San Antonio Spurs’ ability to scout. They usually point to the selection of Tony Parker as Exhibit A. But has anyone stopped to ponder Parker’s ability to scout? Have you taken a good look at Eva Longoria lately? Parker is the Jerry West of talent evaluators. The only downside, of course, is that Parker only gets to make one pick. Ideally.

This weekend, the Spurs’ preeminent lucky duck will tie the knot with the “Desperate Housewives” diva in France. They eschewed the traditional Knights of Columbus hall or faux-opulent catering clip joint in favor of a 16th-century castle in Chantilly. Frankly, it’s a little annoying that two people who probably rake in about $20 million per year between them have to pinch pennies by staging their nuptials in such an old place.

But I’m sure they’ll dress it up. Perhaps a slinky Gabrielle Solis poster here, a Tony Parker action “Fathead” wall graphic there, a few balloons, some streamers, a couple of candles. Really, why would anyone hire a wedding planner when they can have ideas like this for free?

Debates continue to crackle from coast to coast over which player in the NBA is the very best. Kobe Bryant? Tim Duncan? LeBron James? Dwyane Wade?

But how can any of them actually be the best when they’re all envious of one man: Tony Parker. He’s marrying a woman who is only slightly less hot than the surface of the sun. He just helped his Spurs win another championship; now he has three titles under his belt. He was named Finals MVP. And he’s only 25. Any second now, I expect him to be named the new host of “The Price is Right” and be given a full pardon by President Bush for anything he might do during the rest of his life.

The actual wedding promises to be the social event of the year. It’s easily the most significant off-the-court development in the NBA, topping both the annual Ron Artest canine-survival competition and the announcement that Kobe Bryant was given a bottle and is quietly napping.

Celebrities from all strata of society will be in attendance, flashing their special engraved invitations just long enough to gain entry and then racing to the nearest computer to make them available on eBay. The motif of the invitation itself appears to be a cross between the Dead Sea Scrolls and something you might find inside Hallmark’s Le Outlet Store. There seems to have been a major explosion at the taste factory.

Parker has been coy about his involvement in the planning of the wedding. If he’s like most NBA players who get hitched, he’ll limit his participation to the areas of caviar and flowers. The bulk of the choices were made by Longoria, and if the choices in men that she has made on “Desperate Housewives” is any indication, this wedding has the potential to be trashy and unreliable.

This whole castle thing is apparently the latest rage among brides with unlimited amounts of money and an unlimited view of their own worth. David Beckham and Spice Girl Victoria Adams got married in an Irish castle. Madonna and Guy Ritchie said “I Do” at a Scottish castle. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes exchanged vows in a castle outside of Rome.

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