Forget the B-list stars. I’ve got just the athletes who could make things really interesting:
TONYA HARDING — Perfect for the role with her experience on ice, and a very competitive nature that should serve her well. Can get frustrated, though, when judges don’t treat her right.
TANK JOHNSON — He was actually a leading candidate for the show, but declined, citing prior obligations elsewhere. Right now the Bears’ lineman is serving those obligations in the Cook County Jail in Chicago.
JOHN McENROE — Not sure how the talent scouts missed him because the former tennis player loves a big stage. He’s not much of a dancer, but ratings will soar the first time he gets criticized and responds by screaming in judge Carrie Anna Inaba’s face.
BARRY BONDS — The only problem will be convincing Bonds that he can’t compete by himself. That, and he’ll have to remember his partner’s name.
PACMAN JONES — Actually, the Tennessee Titans’ cornerback could become an instructor on the show instead of a contestant. He was last seen promoting the art of dancing by showering more than 40 women with bagfuls of dollar bills on the stage of a Las Vegas strip club.
TOMMY LASORDA — Nobody’s a bigger ham than Lasorda, and he’s got to have picked up some moves after more than a half century in baseball. Besides, he looks better in a tux than he does in a Dodgers uniform.
SHAQUILLE O’NEAL — He’s nearing the end of his career, and looking for new challenges. Just the idea of Shaq doing the tango would be enough for me to tune in.
PEYTON MANNING — So the winning Super Bowl quarterback can barely put one foot in front of the other. So what. He’s not much of an actor, either, but that didn’t stop sponsors from airing his commercials every five minutes during the football season.
MIKE TYSON — He once vowed to eat Lennox Lewis’ children, and bit off a piece of Evander Holyfield’s ear. But can he do a Viennese Waltz?
Pity the poor judge who tells him he can’t.
- Discuss Story On Newsvine
-
Rate Story:
LowHigh - Instant Message
MORE FROM OTHER SPORTS |
 Other sports Section Front |
| Add Other sports headlines to your news reader: |
Sponsored links