Tonya, Tyson could be next dancing stars
Thanks to Emmitt, hit TV show turning into a real athletic competition
 Ross D. Franklin / AP Do you want to be the judge who tells Mike Tyson he can't waltz? AP columnist Tim Dahlberg doesn't. |
Someone needs to hold Emmitt Smith accountable for all this. It was he, after all, who showed America that real men can really dance.
Thanks a lot, Emmitt. Because of you, millions of your fellow males can’t come up with an excuse good enough to convince their significant others that they shouldn’t have to sit around watching couples swirl to music.
With one saucy samba, you did more for dancing than Arthur Murray. Not since John Travolta was strutting his stuff under a disco ball have so many people cared so much.
You beat Jerry Springer, trampled Tucker Carlson, and made Harry Hamlin look like he was standing still.
Unfortunately, you also spawned a new generation of imitators. Which is why the Nielsen Media Research people could count me among the households tuned in Monday night for two long hours of the premiere of “Dancing With The Stars.”
It wasn’t my idea. I had no clue who Joey Fatone or Shandi Finnessey were, Leeza Gibbons did nothing to tickle my fancy, and I’m still trying to figure out how the mailman on “Cheers” qualifies as a star 14 years after the last episode was taped.
I do like the Beatles, but I wasn’t tuning in to boo Heather Mills for trying to take some of Paul McCartney’s assorted millions. Neither was I terribly interested in the oddity of someone with a prosthetic leg dancing a foxtrot.
I watched, because there are no Big Dance games until Thursday. The only athletes on TV were dancing for real.
Plus, I needed to know the answers to some burning questions.
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Would Apolo Anton Ohno resist the urge to take his partner down coming out of a turn?
And, although her father could float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, could Laila become a champion herself by doing the Ali Shuffle?
The answers came agonizingly slow, making me grateful that I live in this great country, where Nielsen reported recently the average household had 106 stations available in their living rooms.
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Actually, I couldn’t tell how well any of the athletes did. Unless one of them fell, it all looked pretty much the same to me.
Fortunately, they all stayed upright, even Ohno, who by the nature of his sport spends a lot of time on his rear.
Good thing, because Smith’s win threatens to turn this into a real sport.
“The bar has definitely been raised,” former NBA star Clyde Drexler said, “so there’s a certain amount of pressure.”
Drexler has a chance. So do Ali and Ohno. But I’m already looking forward to future seasons.
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