Juan Gonzalez
He had this to say earlier this month regarding his comeback: “We’ll see what God has planned for me.” I understand what he’s saying. I supposed if you’re in Juan Gone’s shoes, the first step is to get a good agent. He is 37 and hasn’t played since 2005. He claims injuries cut his career short. Like Bonds, he’s hanging around to chase a home-run mark, although this one is fairly standard: 500. He now has 434 career dingers. This past winter, he played in 33 games for a team in the Puerto Rican league, hitting just four homers with 18 RBI. And that was against inferior pitching. This is actually his second comeback. He tried to come back in 2005 after an injury-plagued 2004 — but he was injured on his very first at-bat of that season and hasn’t played in the majors since. Juan Gone is an appropriate nickname. Too bad he hasn’t gotten the message.

Bernie Williams
As opposed to many who linger too long and annoy the heck out of everyone around him, Bernie is more of a phantom. He’s a class individual, but eccentric and private to the max. The Yankees said he could come to camp as a non-roster invitee, but apparently he’s too proud to try and compete for a roster spot. Instead, he and agent Scott Boras have indicated that Williams won’t come to camp unless he gets a guaranteed major league contract. Bernie has played all 16 seasons with the Yankees, which is admirable. But he hit .281 last season with 21 homers and 61 RBI, which is not so admirable. He’s not washed up, but he is faded. The Yankees seem to be taking the position that if they just ignore him he’ll go away. But how will they notice the difference?

Manny Ramirez
I know he’s only 34. I know he can still hit. I know he has a lot of baseball left in him. But I also know that Manny is a one-man loony bin and is never happy. As of this precise moment, he’s relatively content as a member of the Boston Red Sox. But check back in a few days and chances are someone in his vast entourage will leak to the media that Manny wants to be traded. And then it’s, “Here we go again.” The Red Sox have some other distractions on their roster — Curt Schilling is generally insufferable as the elder statesman, Daisuke Matsuzaka has $103 million worth of pressure on him, J.D. Drew is one stint on the disabled list away from another stint on the disabled list — but Manny will somehow manage to upstage them all. He’s whacked, and it only figures to get worse.

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