Mike Celizic

We certainly are presumptuous here in life’s toy department. If we’re not telling you — usually incorrectly — who’s going to win the big game, we’re freely dispensing advice on how our heroes should conduct themselves.

No detail is too small or too private to escape our commentary. Take for example, the name of the unborn baby that awaits Tiger Woods and his wife Elin later this year. Ordinarily, this is a choice made by proud mothers- and fathers-to-be since time immemorial, a deeply personal decision that the newly-minted human being will carry like an ID card through life.

As Tiger is a man who believes in leaving nothing to chance, I have to believe that he and the missus already have a brace of names — one of each gender — ready to go. But that didn’t stop us from soliciting suggested monikers from you, the readers.

You’ve come through as you always do, proposing a plethora of appellations during February. We’ve whittled the candidates down to the 12 most frequently suggested — one for each major tournament that Tiger’s won — six of the masculine variety and six feminine. Now it’s time to vote on the names you think Tiger and Elin should name their new cub. We'll reveal the 'winners' before the Masters.

Before presenting the names, though, I’d like to briefly go over the ones that didn’t quite make the cut. Among them was a batch of feline names that were a little too obvious: Bengal, Cheetah, Cougar, Cub, Jag, Lion, Puma, Simba.

Then there was the golf name, Eagle, which is better than an Albatross, but it just doesn’t fit.

Chip got a lot of action, but ultimately it didn’t make the cut — it’s simply too common for such an uncommon man. Nor did Red or Redd — as in Red Woods. (Personally, I’d have gone with Persimmon Woods for a girl — it’s got a nice sound to it and it memorializes a bit of equipment history, but what do I know?)

Elrod got a lot of mentions, as did Jack, in honor of Jack Nicklaus, and Mark, for Woods’ best buddy, Mark O’Meara. So did Roger, for Woods’ tennis-playing pal, Roger Federer.
Not making the cut among the girls’ names was Augusta, and I’m a bit disappointed by that. But Kutilda, Tiger’s mom, didn’t make the cut, either. Nor did Destiny and Mercedes. (I’d have gone with Porsche or Elise — as in Lotus Elise — myself.)

Then there were those who felt that since Phil Knight already owns such a big piece of Tiger, he ought to get naming rights to the baby — for a suitable fee, of course, and I have to think having Tiger Woods’ first born go through life named Nike or Swoosh would be worth nine figures. We are to be grateful that neither of those names made the cut, either.

Tiger and Elin could go for a multi-barreled name that represents their entire ethnic package: Swedish for her and Asian, African, Native American and European for him. I’m not even going to try to work one out, but if it worked for Calvin Coolidge Julius Caesar Tuscahoma McLish, it can work for anyone.

Not even in the running, but worth mentioning as names that we can be certain Tiger and Elin will not name their baby are, for a boy: Phil, Vijay or Colin; and, for a girl: Michelle, Britney, Paris or Madonna.

So, without further ado, because we’ve had quite enough of that already, here are the names you’ll be voting on.

Boys finalists
Eldrick Jr.: This one actually has a shot. It goes along with the ancient tradition of naming a boy after its father, which is how the Brits got all of those Henrys way back when. For some reason, it’s a guy thing; girls are rarely named after their mothers. I suspect it’s because boys tend to get names that could be considered “classics,” while girls are more likely to get trendy names like Heather, Meghan or any of the myriad variations of Brie. But Eldrick is distinctive, has a good sound to it, and would inevitably be turned into Tiger II.

Calvin: The comic strip featuring the boy by that name and his tiger, Hobbes, has been gone for quite a while, but it’s still one of the best strips ever, up there with the old Bloom County and the new Boondocks. Since Woods is already a Tiger, it would be fun if he had a Calvin to Hobbes-nob around with.

Earl: This has to be the leader in the clubhouse. Earl Woods was Tigers’ first golf instructor, his best friend, his inspiration and his father. What better way to honor his father’s memory than to name his son Earl II?

Nicholas:There’s apparently considerable sentiment for Tiger honoring the man whose records he’s chasing, Jack Nicklaus, by giving his son this homophonic name. It would be a nice gesture, but I don’t think it has a chance. Tiger intends to break the Golden Bear’s records, and why would he name his son after someone who’s going to end up in second place?

Major: This one comes with the variations Major T. or Major Tee. If Tiger were the whimsical sort, he might consider it. We’re guessing he won’t.

Tiger Jr.: The couple could simply dispense with Eldrick Jr. and go straight to what everybody will probably call the little nipper anyway. But “Tiger” isn’t a formal name, and Tiger doesn’t strike us as the informal sort — not when it comes to something this important.

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