Michael Ventre

In the wake of recent incidents, the NBA has decided to crack down on unruly behavior among its players. It will no longer tolerate any punching, kicking or other overt signs of fighting. More severe penalties will be handed down in order to send a message to fans that such actions are not in the best interests of the great game of basketball.

In fact, the league has decided to reinforce that message with even more restrictions:

No NBA player shall — in the course of a game or outside the playing surface, or for that matter within the borders of the contiguous United States, Alaska, Hawaii and all U.S. territories and possessions, and Canada, and any other country that hosts an NBA-sanctioned event, or televises one, or advertises one, or thinks about one — slap, bump, nudge, poke, grab, brush up against, muss the hair of, jostle, disturb, annoy, tickle, give a wedgie to, insult by word or action, lean against, invade the space of, breathe on, expectorate near, or otherwise ruin the vibe of another NBA player. In fact, even a handshake or a caress that isn’t followed by a big smile can draw a fine.

This is not the official NBA by-law on the topic, however, merely a suggestion for an early draft. And I would venture to guess that the finished version won’t stray too much from the wording and the spirit of the aforementioned passage, given the direction the league seems to be going on this.

The latest indication that the league office has gone to the mattresses on the issue of player-generated aggression is the one-game suspension handed to Kobe Bryant on Monday for slapping San Antonio’s Manu Ginobili with his arm during their game Sunday at Staples Center. The shock is that commissioner David Stern didn’t order a SWAT team to perform a pre-dawn raid on Kobe’s house.

Naturally, Kobe will have to live with the shame of sticking his arm out and coming into contact with Ginobili’s honker after a jump shot. The horror, the horror. Children who weren’t traumatized by the spectacle are now threats to mimic it on the playground, which will cause recipients across the land to exclaim, “Ouch!” and teachers to warn, “Be more careful.”

I saw the replay of the incident in question. To be frank, it could have been intentional. Kobe may have wanted to inform Ginobili in no uncertain terms that if he got too close he risked the danger of eating a forearm focaccia.

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But it also could have been an accident. It could have been a reaction by Bryant during the jump-shot motion to fend off an attacker. Either way, the league is in no position to read a player’s mind. Unless it was clearly an act of aggression or retaliation, it should have been ignored.

Stu Jackson, the NBA’s enforcement lackey, explained the suspension by stating that contact was made by Kobe’s arm above Ginobili’s shoulders, and that it was an unnatural basketball motion. Said Jackson: “We did not view this as an inadvertent action.”

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First of all, I assume that if some of the problem had to do with a blow that was administered above somebody’s shoulders, then it only stands to reason that a whack in the crotch must be acceptable. This, no doubt, will not only shorten careers but bring the birth rate down.

And as for the “unnatural basketball motion” portion of the act, I can only say that I’ve watched Kobe Bryant since he came into the league as an 18-year-old in 1996 and just about everything he’s done on a court since then has seemed unnatural to me.