Michael Ventre

Thursday was Joe Paterno’s 80th birthday. On a typical birthday for an 80-year-old, there is usually a crew of paramedics nearby. The octogenarian in question is usually urged to let someone else blow out the candles on the cake. Relatives offer heartfelt sentiments to mark the occasion, such as “Remember me in your will” and “I SAID YOU’RE STANDING ON THE DOG’S TAIL!”

We should all be so lucky to experience an 80th birthday.

But for Paterno, just sitting there while children, grandchildren and others fawn over the fact that he’s still breathing isn’t nearly enough. Paterno remains the head coach and patriarch of one of college football’s most esteemed programs. He’s committed to leading the Nittany Lions back to glory again. He’s determined to remain a fixture on the sidelines, save for the occasional jog into the locker room in the middle of a game.

What Paterno has done most of all in continuing to do the job he loves is serve as an inspiration to other seniors in his profession as well as coaches who aren’t there yet but who are old enough to see their golden years appearing on the horizon. Not all of these coaches will still be on the job when they hit 80. In fact, not all of these coaches will hit 80. At the rate some of them are going, they may not make it through the week.

But in view of Paterno’s astonishing milestone, it might be worthwhile to take a look at some other coaches in the world of sports and what they’ll be like when they reach the age of 80. In some cases, the people in question will perform their jobs with dignity and a high level of expertise. In other cases, they won’t. Such are the uncertainties that come with the aging process:

Bob Knight: When The General arrives at 80, he will finally mellow, like a lot of men do when they’ve lived a long and colorful life and then take a moment to reflect. For instance, instead of throwing a chair, he’ll throw a walker, which is far less threatening. When berating a reporter at a press conference, he’ll wheeze between expletives, so it won’t seem as bad. Instead of getting into an argument at a salad bar in Texas, he’ll get into one at an early bird buffet in Florida. And should he be lucky enough to still be coaching basketball at that point, he won’t slap a kid on the chin to get his attention, he’ll get his caregiver to do it for him.

Larry Brown: Let’s face it, one of the unfortunate aspects of aging that sometimes befalls a human being is the tendency for him to wander aimlessly from place to place without any real sense of where he belongs. In most people, it’s called forgetfulness. With Brown, it will simply be a continuation of his career path. By the time he turns 80, Brown will have coached every NBA team and most Division I college teams as well. Sadly, by that time he will inquire about assisted suicide. It won’t have anything to do with illness or depression, but rather the possibility that the rotation of coaching jobs might bring him back to the Knicks.