Rob Carr / AP file

The Cowboys' Terrell Owens, center — fined $35,000 for spitting in the face of Atlanta's DeAngelo Hall, right — can be expected to spit at yet another player in 2007, writes MSNBC contributor Michael Ventre: this time while asleep at a team meeting.

Jim Mora Jr. will put on a Washington Huskies jersey, move to Seattle, hire thugs to forcibly remove Ty Willingham from his office, have his name painted on the head coach’s door, and then claim he was just kidding.

Rather than demote Rex Grossman, the Chicago Bears will try to level the playing field by lobbying for other NFL quarterbacks to use a Nerf football.

A boxed set of DVDs titled “The Heisman Trophy Presentation Ceremony — Season One” will be released, featuring all 13 episodes of the expanded series as well as commentaries from every member of the Downtown Athletic Club and a raft of behind-the-scenes documentaries.

Floyd Landis will actually say that he has an irrefutable excuse as to why he failed the Tour de France drug test, but that he wrote it down and his dog ate it.

The guys in the “Man Law” commercials will turn their attention to a child-labor matter involving the youngest member of “The LeBrons.”

Former President Ford, the sole surviving member of the Warren Commission, and Sen. Arlen Specter, who served as a staff attorney, will be appointed by University of Oklahoma president David Boren and football coach Bob Stoops to determine exactly how the Sooners got screwed on that onsides kick.

Scott Boras will turn down a job offer from Halliburton because the contracts are too small.

Against the advice of his doctors, Barbaro will make the highly controversial decision to attempt a comeback, after getting feedback from Michael Jordan, Brett Favre and Evander Holyfield.

Slideshow   The Week in Sports Pictures A kayaker flips out, a racehorse eyes the Triple Crown and more. more photos

Still without a head football coach, officials at the University of Alabama will stop inquiring about established head coaches or even prominent assistants and instead begin working their way down Bear Bryant’s family tree.

Tiger Woods will break his wrist after falling off the roof of a speeding car at a celebrity NASCAR event. And he’ll still win his next tournament.

Alex Rodriguez will get a big hit in a World Series game, assuming you’ve achieved that level of skill on your Xbox to make something like that happen.

In defiance of critics who say his team’s offense is antiquated and predictable and makes his quarterbacks easy prey for opposing defenses, Al Davis will order his coaches to make his Raider QBs perform plays requiring 12- and 15-step drops.

The 56,000-square-foot mansion in Los Angeles owned by the late TV producer Aaron Spelling will sell for close to its asking price of $150 million to Reggie Bush’s parents, who are looking to downsize.

For the second year in a row, Harold Reynolds will not be invited to the ESPN Christmas party.