Bob Cook

Given how things are going for the Boston Red Sox, general manager Theo Epstein might want to think about breaking out the gorilla suit again for another incognito escape.

That way, Epstein won’t have to explain how things have gone so wrong so quickly for a team that only two years ago celebrated its first World Series victory since the fall of Kaiser Wilhelm II. Bad luck heaped upon bad moves has resulted in a 2006 that makes one wonder if the Red Sox are ready to begin another Series drought, one that soon will have Yankees fans derisively chanting, “2004! 2004!”

Actually, Epstein might be better keeping his mouth shut for a while. His recent, unfoundedly optimistic pronouncements have him sounding like President Bush on Iraq. On Aug. 20, after three straight home losses to the Yankees, Epstein vowed the Red Sox would come back from their doldrums, a 6-12 skid that put Boston 4 1/2 games behind New York. “The big picture is pretty darn good,” Epstein told reporters.

The Red Sox have since gone 2-8.

Meanwhile, Epstein is getting into the dumping business, with the Boston Globe reporting Epstein is trying to unload oft-injured and very aged David Wells to a National League team before the Aug. 31 playoff deadline in exchange for the dreaded young player that can help later.

How did things get so bad so quickly? One might surmise that when your GM quits and skulks away in a gorilla suit, as Epstein did last Halloween, that’s a sign of impending doom. (Though Epstein, who left amid reports of a power struggle in the Red Sox front office, did return by spring training.)

But the real problem is a massive talent drain, which was dragging the Red Sox down even before a slew of unforeseen injuries and illnesses hit.

Since the World Series title, key players such as Pedro Martinez, Derek Lowe, Orlando Cabrera, Johnny Damon, Kevin Millar, Bill Mueller, Mark Bellhorn and Bronson Arroyo have all left. For the most part, their replacements have not even matched their departed counterparts’ production.

Not that it was unexpected players would leave, and not just because of the vicissitudes of player movement. Six of the nine usual members of the batting order were older than 30. So were four of the usual five starters, and the top four members of the bullpen.

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But the Red Sox’s attempts to replace and reload have often blown up in their face. Coco Crisp, acquired from Cleveland to replace Damon, has been a disappointment. Same for the oft-injured Wily Mo Pena, acquired from Cincinnati for Bronson Arroyo, the one under-30 starter on that Series team.

Epstein traded Arroyo in spring training because the Red Sox appeared to have a glut of starters, with a rotation of Series holdovers Curt Schilling and Tim Wakefield, newly acquired 2003 World Series MVP Josh Beckett, and 2005 starters Matt Clement and Wells. As it turned out, this season again proved the baseball maxim that you can never have enough starting pitching. Wakefield, Clement and Wells have been ineffective and injured. Beckett has a 14-9 record but has a 5.11 ERA thanks to giving up 32 home runs, second in the American League. Arroyo, meanwhile, made the National League All-Star team.