Bob Cook

As the father of four young children, I must express my outrage that a 12-year-old Little Leaguer blurted out a major-league obscenity on national television. It’s bad enough that he felt comfortable expressing himself in such a vulgar and base way, but it’s made much worse by the fact it came out over a live microphone!

It’s a sad state of affairs in our nation when ESPN finds it necessary to put a five-second delay on children playing baseball because of the possibility of such vile filth, bringing it down to the level of a sporting event where you might risk seeing a quick shot of some aging singer’s bare breast.

(Oh man, can’t let on how funny that swearing incident was. And the coach slapping him afterward for being such a dumbbunny. I’m a grown man and a parent. Mmmpphhhhh.)

What does it say about our permissive society that not only does a preteen express himself with a potty mouth, but also that he feels no compunction for doing so in front of adults? What does that say not only about the children, but also the parents? And television? And movies? And music? And anything else that could have corrupted that poor innocent?

In the fallout of this young boy’s dirty mouth, we must not forget that an appropriate response by adults is paramount to ensuring it never happens again, not on the televised fields of Williamsport, nor on the parents-with-videocammed fields of the suburbs.

(WE ONLY NEED ONE [BLEEPING] RUN ... oh man, wouldn’t you bust a gut watching some soccer mom suddenly trying to tape over that one? Ooohh hoooo hoooooo. ... Ahem, must... keep... composure...)

The only appropriate response is condemnation, as Little League as done by making clear anyone else who dares to throw out barnyard epithets will be thrown out of its World Series. The player was right to apologize, but the coach didn’t have to apologize for anything—he was merely making it abundantly clear that such unseemly behavior will not be tolerated in his dugout.

(How many of you watching thought of Vic Morrow in “The Bad News Bears” when the coach whacked the kid? Man, I hope Little League hasn’t seen that movie — that’s nothing but kids swearing! Like when Tanner says, No, no, I’m a parent and a leader of children. ... I must stop thinking like this!)

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Oh, if only other coaches felt the same way. It’s endemic that youth league coaches, often models of decorum in their working lives, suddenly start channeling Bob Knight when they put on their coach hat. How can any coach discourage his children from such foulness when he or she is up their necks in it themselves?

My oldest son once had a coach who, in a fit of pique, fired a barrage of f-bombs — I hate to even put in anyone’s mind exactly what he said, but I must so we can all learn from this experience — at the players, the other coaches, and, once summarily dismissed, drove away, his son in tow, by issuing what is euphemistically called the “one-finger salute.”

It’s a good thing my son had slammed his hand in the car door that day and missed the game; I shudder to think what road of degradation he would have embarked upon after witnessing such an appalling display of manners. It was hard enough having to explain it to my son after the next game when he asked, all sad and doe-eyed, “How come the coach who taught me to bat wasn’t there?”

(I can’t believed I missed that! That must have been a climax-of-the-"1812 Overture"-level of exploding profanity! Haa haa, wooooo... Stop it! Stop it! You’re a role model!)