Matt Slocum / AP file

Cowboys coach Bill Parcells will have his hands full with mercurial wide receiver Terrell Owens this season, writes MSNBC.com columnist Michael Ventre.

MONDAY, OCT. 23: At home against the New York Giants. Since this is the first Monday night game for T.O. as a Cowboy, he decides this would be the perfect opportunity to rain complaints upon Bledsoe along the sideline. Jones purchases enough FEMA trailers to accommodate team personnel.

SUNDAY, OCT. 29: At Carolina, which now has Keyshawn Johnson and Steve Smith on the roster. For a moment, Dallas fans observe an open feud between Johnson and Smith over who should get the ball more and conclude that there may indeed be something to global warming because there are severe conditions everywhere.

SUNDAY, NOV. 5: At Washington, a cold front moves in quickly. T.O. blows up and tells Parcells he wishes he were playing for Redskins coach Joe Gibbs instead of him. Parcells replies that they share the same wish.

SUNDAY, NOV. 12: At Arizona, which has two excellent wide receivers in Larry Fitzgerald and Anquan Boldin. T.O. doesn’t get enough passes thrown his way to upstage them, so he pouts and refuses to re-enter the game. Flood warnings are issued.

SUNDAY, NOV. 19: The Cowboys return home after three straight roadies to host the Indianapolis Colts. T.O. wonders out loud to reporters what kind of numbers he would put up if he had Peyton Manning throwing to him instead of Bledsoe. Barometric pressure readings reach a season high.

THURSDAY, NOV. 23: After a short week, Tampa Bay visits the Cowboys. But T.O. is not there. He is suspended for one week for conduct detrimental to the team. Rosenhaus tells reporters at a news conference that T.O. is sorry for anything he may have done that was “misunderstood or misconstrued” and that he fully expects to play the following week. Rosenhaus wears a raincoat and holds an umbrella as he says this.

SUNDAY, DEC. 3: At the Giants. This is T.O.’s one and only visit to the New York metropolitan area this season, so he takes advantage of the added media exposure by demanding a new contract. A sudden blizzard paralyzes the area, as well as Jones and Parcells.

SUNDAY, DEC. 10: The Saints come to Dallas. The Saints express sorrow at all the devastation they witness and invite Cowboys’ fans to come back to New Orleans until they can rebuild their lives.

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MONDAY, DEC. 25: A Christmas Day meeting with the Eagles. T.O. celebrates by stomping on the Eagles’ logo. Not the one in the middle of the field, though, since the game is in Dallas. The one on the side of Donovan McNabb’s helmet. It is a white Christmas after all: Jones is white hot with anger.

SUNDAY, DEC. 31: Home against Detroit. T.O. rests up for the playoffs. Frost warnings.

PLAYOFFS: The Cowboys are bounced in the first round. But they’re ecstatic, because the storm system is finally moving to another city.

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