There are some picayune details that probably should be mentioned for those with only a rudimentary understanding of the sport. When a referee flashes a yellow card, it means he needs a bathroom break. When he flashes a red card, it means he’s really mad that they won’t stop the game to let him take a bathroom break. A corner kick usually occurs when hooligans run out of money for beer and they spot somebody in the corner who has some. A chest trap is essentially how David Beckham got involved with a Spice Girl. And a banana kick occurs when one soccer player dislikes another so much that he’s willing to jeopardize his ability to produce little soccer players.

You can absorb a great deal of wisdom about soccer by observing its fans. They usually travel in large packs awash in the colors of their favorite teams. They enjoy drinking a few beers. They occasionally get involved in altercations with rival fans, or with the local constabulary. And that’s just on off days.

When the World Cup comes around and fans choose up sides to root for their respective national teams, the atmosphere on days of matches can become quite contentious. Rent “Braveheart” and then imagine if the combatants had been sitting in pubs for three days getting their game faces on. Just getting to the concession stands at stadiums requires a cudgel and a shield.

At sporting events in the United States, when athletes let their fans down, they can expect to endure a torrent of boos. Soccer fans refrain from that kind of behavior, preferring to conserve their energy for looting and pillaging later. The sport actually illustrates an interesting contradiction: The game itself is rather slow and tedious, yet the result of the pace of play is mounting anticipation that can either erupt in a massive clap of euphoria or a colossal blast of disappointment. The modern nuclear bomb is based on a similar principle of physics, which is ironic because that’s what the riot police would probably need to take back the streets after a close match.

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This year the favorites to win the World Cup include Germany, Italy, Brazil, Argentina and England. The most intriguing of these is Germany because it lost the 2002 final 2-0 to Brazil, and is now hosting the event. The Germans lost World War I, World War II and the 2002 World Cup final. No wonder they’re bribing referees.

Since the World Cup only comes around every four years, it’s important to savor this time in history. This is the ideal opportunity to learn about “the beautiful game” while it is being played at the highest level. Just sit back, crack open a beer, and make sure the doors and windows are barricaded.