Michael Ventre

The good people of Texas endured a long, arduous, bloody conflict with Mexico before achieving independence. In 1845, U.S. president James Polk signed legislation to make Texas the 28^th state.

Since then, Texans have endured a great deal of hardship and misfortune, including tornadoes, droughts, floods, hurricanes, brushfires, the Civil War, the assassination of a president, the shooting of a lawyer by a vice president, a sniper in Austin, outbreaks of hoof and mouth disease among cattle, the standoff in Waco and the collapse of Enron.

But on Saturday, their list of woes grew longer by one when it was announced that Terrell Owens had signed to play for the Dallas Cowboys.

Haven’t these poor folks suffered enough?

I’ve never lived in Texas, although I’ve visited enough times to size it up. I know that it’s a place where a man can put his arms around a big idea. Indeed, because Texas is so vast and sprawling and majestic, it inspires tall tales from boundless imaginations.

That’s why this T.O. signing is such a whopper, the kind of story you might tell around the campfire waiting for Cookie to serve up a plate of hot beans while the little doggies moo on the prairie. It isn’t so much that the Cowboys have signed a talented wide receiver. It’s what their newest addition said at the press conference when introduced regarding all his past transgressions:

“I’m going to put those things behind me. They can only make a man stronger, wiser. For me, that’s what it’s done. I’ll be a better teammate, a better person, a better man in life. I’m looking forward to this opportunity. I couldn’t be more excited to be here.”

Terrell Owens on the move T.O. says he was 'blindsided' by Cowboys Owens signs with Bills  |    Video Expert: Bills better, but not by much Celizic: T.O. in Buffalo recipe for disaster Rosenthal: Bills move makes sense Opinion: At leats Buffalo won't be boring Discuss: How will he fare with Bills? Phillips ready for life without T.O. Curran: Craving for attention ruins T.O. Owens' career statistics  |  Images

In the bunkhouse pecking order, there are the grizzled hands who know when their legs are being pulled, and then there are the greenhorns who will fall for any prank. Throughout the Lone Star State but especially in and around Dallas, there must be lots of knees being slapped over this one.

Owens had been humble and respectful and contrite lately, but that’s because he hadn’t signed a contract. Then the Cowboys signed him to a three-year deal worth $25 million that includes a $5 million signing bonus. Soon the gloves will come off, and T.O. will revert back to his true personality, the one that torched the Philadelphia Eagles organization into charred ruins.

This is the same Terrell Owens who:

• In 2000, ran to the middle of the field at Texas Stadium and stomped on the Cowboys’ logo. He didn’t do so to point out a flaw in the design, but rather to indicate his contempt for the franchise.
• In 2001, after bobbling and losing a pass for an interception while a 49er, he accused his coach at the time, Steve Mariucci, of trying to protect his counterpart and friend Dick Jauron, then of the Bears.
• In 2002 came the now infamous “Sharpie incident” in the end zone on Monday night, when he autographed a football for his financial adviser.
• In 2003, he alienated everybody in the 49ers’ organization and was jettisoned.
• In 2004, a particularly fertile year for T.O. shenanigans, he refused to report to the team he was traded to, the Baltimore Ravens, and forced a trade to Philadelphia; he hinted in an interview with Playboy magazine that Jeff Garcia was gay; and he did an end-zone celebration mocking Ray Lewis.
• In 2005, he hired agent Drew Rosenhaus and embarked on a scorched earth policy to gain a new contract one year after signing a deal with the Eagles, trashing quarterback Donovan McNabb and head coach Andy Reid in the process, and was eventually suspended and exiled in disgrace from the team.

And now, after he and Rosenhaus spent a long period of contemplating the error of their ways, T.O. is suddenly going to go Mother Teresa on us just because he’s wearing a star on his helmet instead of an eagle?