BEST COSTUME DESIGN

• The New York Knicks, for a classic, austere look. If you didn’t know better, you’d think they were a professional team.
• NASCAR, because it isn’t easy to take 20 billboards and shrink them down to the size of one man’s coveralls.
• Charlie Weis, because it isn’t easy to thread a belt through a circus tent.
• The two Carolina Panthers’ cheerleaders who were caught in the bathroom stall together, because sometimes what they’re wearing isn’t as important as what we imagine they’re wearing.
• Pat Riley, for coming down from the front office to coach again and proving that the suits he had in mothballs are sharper than the stuff most guys wear every day.

AND THE WINNER IS … The Carolina Panthers’ cheerleaders. For their bodies of work.

BEST MAKEUP

• Ron Artest, for his startling transformation into a good citizen, although remember that makeup doesn’t stay on forever.
• Lee Corso, who sits courageously after each “College GameDay” telecast while workmen chisel away untold layers of foundation.
• Allen Iverson, for his remarkable portrayal of a man mugged by graffiti artists.
• Johnny Damon, for going from Jeremiah Johnson to Opie Taylor.
• Keith Richards, for his astonishing imitation of Freddy Krueger during the Super Bowl halftime show.

AND THE WINNER IS … Lee Corso. Obviously he suffers for his art.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG

• “See? I Can Still Coach, You Snotty Little Creeps” from “On Golden Paterno.”
• “Row, Row, Row That Ho” from “The Vikings: Live at Al and Alma’s.”
• “Do The Finger Wag” from “Palmeiro!”
• “Your Cheatin’ Heart, Lungs, Liver, Kidneys, Pancreas …” performed by Derek Lowe’s wife Trinka from the musical “Multiple Stab Wounds.”
• “My One And Only” from “When Kobe Met Kobe.”

AND THE WINNER IS … “Row, Row, Row That Ho.” The Academy appreciates teamwork.

BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM

• “Darko The Career Impaler,” Serbia & Montenegro.
• “Two Billion Votes for Yao,” China.
• “A-Rod B-Good.” (Note: It was undecided at press time which country would submit this film.)
• “The Official 2006 Canadian Olympic Hockey Team Highlight Film,” Canada. (Note: This was also eligible in the category of short subject.)
• “Manny Being Manny,” the planet Jupiter.

AND THE WINNER IS … “Two Billion Votes for Yao.” Oddly enough, the film received another billion votes for this award, even though there are only about 6,000 Academy members.

BEST PICTURE

• “The Poseidon Payroll.” Producers James Dolan, Isiah Thomas.
• “Badfellas.” Producer Al Davis.
• “A Beautiful Mind But An Ugly Wonderlic.” Producer Vince Young.
• “Once Upon a Time in the Cellar.” Producers Paul Allen, Steve Patterson.
• “The Lions In Whimper.” Producers William Clay Ford, Matt Millen.

AND THE WINNER IS … “The Poseidon Payroll.” Just when you thought you had seen it all when it comes to big-budget disasters.

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