TURIN, Italy - So, like, dude, I was grabbing some air, looking for some metal and I just beefed. No big deal, though. At least I’m not a Bode or a Betty.
America may call me a loser, but no one will ever call me a noob. Besides, I’m coming home with one of those doughnuts made of silver.
They don’t give those away on the bunny hill.
Yes, I’m Lindsey Jacobellis, the most notorious silver medal winner since Roy Jones Jr. got krunked in South Korea. And, yes, it’s true that I got a little caught up in the moment and looked flamboyant weezy on that jump.
But, hey, I’m a snowboarder. Without us, the red, white and blue would have been totally wack.
Want that in English? OK, try this:
“I really don’t care what people think,” Jacobellis said. “I still won a silver medal, and no one can take that away from me.”
Maybe Jacobellis is right. Maybe there’s something to the notion that every Olympian is a winner, even those who never come close to a medal or fail spectacularly when gold is in their grasp.
More likely is that she’s just a snowboarder whose spends too much time chasing the ultimate ancillary stoke.
Every Olympics has to have losers. Without them, how could we identify winners?
Get out your snowboardionarys (snowboard dictionaries for the less schwank) and let’s go to figure skating, of all places, where Johnny Weir had to put up with a dorm room with (horrors!) no room service and closets that wouldn’t hold a good swan suit.
Without a hotel concierge to read the bus schedule, Weir arrived late for the biggest night of his life and quickly sank from medal contention. He came looking for gold, silver or bronze, but all he had was a black aura to remember his Olympic experience by.
Unlike Weir, Bode Miller at least had fun during his Olympics. So much that he should have been given a special Olympic medal for the cross country party marathon.
When last seen, the Newsweek and Time cover boy and special “60 Minutes” guest was eating a sandwich in his RV, seemingly oblivious to the fact that the sponsors who hyped his shot at five medals at least expected an honest effort out of him.
Awesome? How’s this for awesome, dude?
You win a silver medal and your teammate comes up and congratulates you. Well, maybe that’s not so awesome, but this was the same teammate who refused to shake your hand when you won a gold medal and later said he felt betrayed by you.