I may go to Hell for saying this, but what the hell: Why did Brady Quinn opt to return for his senior season?

The guy was a lock to be a first-round draft choice this April. A lock.

Instead, Quinn is back on campus, sporting a backpack full of hopes and dreams -- and an empty wallet.

I know, I know: It's a warm and fuzzy story. The kind of fairy tale that makes every Soccer Mom smile as she gazes out the windshield of her minivan on the way to T-ball practice with the kids.

Juice boxes for everyone!

But I O.D'd on the nicey-nice "Golden Boy who eschewed the NFL" storyline last year. Remember Matt Leinart? Sure you do. Every mope with a pen, pad and microphone wouldn't let us forget how he sucked every last bit of life out his BMOC gig.

Now -- take a deep breath -- brace yourself for a bunch of Brady.

I know there's a faction of the fandom that genuflects and does the sign of the cross at every mention of "Notre Dame." And I also know half of them don't know where Notre Dame is located, and 90 percent of them didn't attend school there -- wherever it is. (I think the campus is located at the right hand of God -- or South Bend, Ind. I'm still trying to figure it out, too.)

Quinn won't walk around campus this fall. He'll hover -- like an angel. Heck, I wouldn't be shocked to see Quinn on Oprah's couch. And you know Katie and Matt will gush over him at some time. (Think NBC, cross-promotion).

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I can hardly wait. I bet we'll find out that Brady brushes his teeth after every meal AND flosses … eats all his veggies … makes his bed … tucks in his shirt … reads books to starving blind children in the Rainforest who want to save the whales -- all while having a spotted owl perched on one shoulder with a bald eagle on the other.

God bless Brady!

That's your cue to stand and salute. Me? I'll puke.

Quinn figures to be sick to his stomach, too, if he suffers a major injury this fall. That's what makes his decision to return for another season curious. It's even more vexing when you consider the quarterback draft crop: It's bad.

No doubt, Leinart is the best (and coolest, of course) quarterback in the draft. But I think there's great debate as to who's second-best. Vince Young? Jay Cutler? Hmmm. I think Quinn is better than Young, and Cutler may be Quinn's peer. After that, the quarterback quality drops quickly. Omar Jacobs? Brodie Croyle? Reggie McNeal?

Please. Quinn wins.

But he isn't guaranteed to win anything this fall. Not only is Quinn leaving a lot of money on the table, but I don't think Notre Dame will win the national title, or that Quinn will win the Heisman. In fact, I have five reasons to believe Quinn's senior season won't be dreamy.

1. The Irish have to replace three offensive linemen.
2. Penn State, Michigan and USC.
3. The Irish will struggle to cover on defense. Sure, speed has been injected, but it's still young speed. And young speed makes mistakes.
4. Who will be the yin to Jeff Samardzija's yang? Maurice Stovall? Gone. Anthony Fasano? Gone.

Is that enough to make you vomit, Notre Dame Nation? Well, now you know how I feel about all of the Brady Quinn hype I'm about to be force-fed.

Can Hell be this bad? Only if No. 10 Brady Quinn jerseys are issued at the gate.