Michael Ventre

The NFL has parity, of course. There’s 32 teams. They are all restricted by the salary cap, free agency and the draft. They have to tuck their shirts in and wear their socks a certain way. Nobody can do anything out of the ordinary, like sign a football with a Sharpie in the end zone or answer a cell phone during a game.

Uniformity. Conformity. Cookie-cutter clubs.

However, when it comes to job opportunities as a head coach, all of that standardization goes out with the trash. Some openings are gold mines, others are land fills. You can be an assistant coach on the rise, with loads of experience, just waiting for your chance to get control of a team, but instead of a team you get the Saints.

You wonder why there aren’t more assistant coaches going into real estate or insurance.

The New Orleans Saints fired their head coach, Jim Haslett, who really should be grateful he lasted as long as he did. Instead, he asked for a contract extension before getting the axe, perhaps laying the groundwork for a career in standup comedy.

The Saints’ job is one of the least attractive available — and remember, the Lions and Texans are also looking for coaches, so that’s saying something — primarily because of their owner, Tom Benson. Success on the field is an extension of ownership, and Benson is the Michael Brown of the NFL. He has allowed his franchise to slip into disaster status.

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The Saints do have some hope, however, since they have the second pick in the draft and could take a top quarterback like Matt Leinart. While it won’t solve their myriad problems, it will bring a Heisman Trophy winner and marquee name to the club, which will buy some time with the fans. The new coach also will have a slightly better situation than Haslett had with his nomadic charges, since Benson and the NFL have indicated the club will aim to play at least some of its games in the Superdome next season. We’ll see.

The Lions represent another opening that should come with a warning label. They have a lot of talent at wide receiver, but it is underachieving talent. Plus, they have no quarterback to throw the ball to those underachievers. Joey Harrington likely is gone, and Jeff Garcia is no answer.

The team will have to reconstruct its entire roster, and that won’t be easy with Matt Millen in charge.  Any coach who steps into the Lions’ den will also have to cope with a climate of negativity not seen outside of the Boston Red Sox. There is almost nothing good about this job, aside from possible access to Pistons’ tickets.

On the other end of the spectrum, though, is the Minnesota Vikings. The Vikes have some players. They’re capable of making a run at being the NFC representative in the Super Bowl. They have options at quarterback – either welcome back Daunte Culpepper from injury and sex-boat disgrace, or stick with aging but effective Brad Johnson.