Team: None
Odds: 15-1

Why he'd retire: Clemens might decide the World Baseball Classic is a great way to go out, especially if he pitches the winning game for the USA. He might decide he's got more than enough money, and that he now has all the time he wants to build a train set in his yard, dress up ceramic geese, yell at the neighbor kids to get off his lawn, or whatever oddball retiree hobby he acquires.

Why he wouldn't: As much as we all love athletes who retire at or near the tops of their games, no athlete ever leaves until he's convinced he's drained the tank. Not just his own, personal athletic tank, but whatever tank containing the money people are willing to give him to play.

Team: Boston Red Sox
Odds: 25-1

Why he'd go: Like the Yankees, the Red Sox are not a team worried about how they'll afford to pay $20 million. Boston needs starting pitching desperately. Going back to Boston would provide the dreaded closure to his career, bringing him back to where he started, and where, in 1996, he was deemed to be washed up. That was the most egregious misjudgment of talent and potential by management since the Decca Records executive who wouldn't sign the Beatles in 1962 because "guitar bands were on the way out."

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Why he wouldn't: Like New York, there's the whole going-back-to-Houston-on-the-off-days logistics to work out. Also like New York, the Red Sox aren't what they were, even two years ago. Thomas Wolfe's admonishment that "you can't go home again" could portend a financially lucrative but creatively disastrous reunion, like the Eagles. The Don Henley and Glenn Frey Eagles, not Philadelphia. (The Philadelphia Eagles are sufficiently disastrous without bringing the old gang back together.)

Team: New York Mets
Odds: 30-1

Why he'd go: Talk about ability and wherewithal to throw money around. With their own cable network set to debut, Mets ownership has given general manager Omar Minaya official authority to spend like the proverbial drunken sailor. (No word on whether Minaya has the authority to swear like one, too.) Also, the Mets are cutting ties with Mike Piazza, eliminating a potentially awkward lockerroom conversation, what with Clemens have tossed Piazza's broken bat at him in the 2000 World Series.

Why he wouldn't: Logistics of going home. Getting a sinking feeling that the Mets' strategy of building a fantasy team is going to blow up in their face. The pressure of having to perform just so the organization can charge beer companies and auto dealers premium prices for Mets games, thereby allowing them to charge sports-betting touts and local bars premium prices for overnight reruns of those same Mets games.

Team: Toronto Blue Jays
Odds: 40-1

Why he'd go: Wow, his former employer (in 1997 and 1998) is paying A.J. Burnett $11 million a year! Just think what the Jays would pay for a real pitcher!

Why he wouldn't: You think the logistics of getting back to Houston from New York and Boston are bad. At least he doesn't have to go through customs. Then again, Clemens would end up on a first-name basis with every agent at the Toronto and Houston airports. Maybe they'd let him cut in the inspection lines around the holidays. Then Clemens could get to his destination faster, thereby more quickly being able to whip out his AARP card to get his hotel discount.

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