Michael Bamberger — He’s the turkey — there’s no other (printable) word for him — who thought that Michelle Wie might possibly perhaps could have maybe taken a drop from an unplayable lie that was illegal by a couple of inches.
Nobody complained at the time, and Bamberger, who writes for Sports Illustrated, didn’t say anything until the next day when Wie was finishing the final round of her first pro tournament. The rules officials put the points of their heads together, took Wie back to the scene of the imagined crime, consulted charts of the stars and planets, checked the entrails of a sacrificed goat, and finally disqualified her, making her fourth-place finish evaporate. All because a journalist decided to inject himself in a story.
Alex Rodriguez — Forget, if you can, his performance in the playoffs this year, as execrable as they were. We think A-Rod qualified for turkeyhood way back in January, when, three months after the fact, he shot back at Curt Schilling, who had criticized A-Rod for trying to slap the ball out of the pitcher’s mitt during the 2004 ALCS. "I just hope he continues to talk about me and my teammates," said A-Rod. "It’s going to give us great motivation to beat him up in the future." Yankee fans are still waiting for that future to arrive.
Sammy Sosa — When he was battling Mark "I Don’t Want To Talk About The Past" McGwire to set the single-season home-run record back in 1998, Sosa conducted daily and lively press conferences in English. In fact, he always talked quite well in English. But when he was called to testify before a Congressional subcommittee investigating steroids in baseball, Sosa realized he needed a translator. Stick a fork in this bird. He’s done.
Minnesota Viking Love Boaters — Athletes engage in behavior that many would consider outrageous, not to mention immoral, but most have the sense to do it in private. Not the Vikings, who rented a commercial boat whose crew included ordinary women who thought they were working just another cruise.
Instead, they found themselves being accosted and propositioned by drunken players on a sex cruise. They’ve since discovered that behavior doesn’t sit well in the Heartland — or any land, for that matter.
France — What the heck. For all they’ve put Lance Armstrong through, the entire country deserves to be served up with candied yams and Jello salad.
Just the thing for the French palate, non?
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